Shady

It has been only the first week of break from school and I have yet to have my fair share of peaceful sleep. I guess it's just the thought of FYP and the question of what I'm gna do right after I graduate. It has been clouding my mind ever since I ended SIP. Never thought it would struck me so hard. Well I guess I just want the best for my parents and wanting or should I say giving th best to them scares me.

And no, my parents don't have a specific goal or plan for what they want me to be which is great cos I don't want to be pressurised by what they want me to do or to become. I really thank god for that. It's just hard for me cos... I don't really have a specific goal on what I Wna do or be which sucks cos my goal changes from time to time and it sucks cos I will always end up back at square one. It's tiring.

Anyhoo, I've been procrastinating since SIP period on my report. And no, I've yet to complete a 15 page report. So lazy.... But I need to complete this before I leave for KL next week if not, I'll not be enjoying myself there. I have to. Meh. & Why is time moving so fast?!

Shake your money maker

Hi y'all! I hope everyone's having a great weekend since it was a pretty long one after a while. Mine was spent fruitfully with all the 3 days used up just as planned or should I say it went very well since everyday there was at least something to look forward to.

My Friday was spent at both grandparents' places. Though all we did was dressed really casual and eat, it was still a day not to be missed. Managed to eat awesomegasmic food like roti kirai, Nutella sponge cake, lontong with my grandma's special soft succulent daging and some kuih-muih. The day turned out pretty good I must say minus going to my dad's side with Foster the people shirt + jeans when everyone else were in their Baju kurungs. Oppsy! But I still managed to catch up a little with my dearest cousin, Syazana since god knows when. Just a quick brief about us. We've been behaving pretty awkward around one another. It's not th same as before and I'm still figuring out why cos we used to be very close :/ Saddens me to know that we are not anymore. But nevertheless, I'm happy for her! Cos she is seeing someone now huhu and I know she's happy. So that makes me happy like bird too! :) Also, my grandparents are super cute cos they each gave me and my siblings 20 bucks each so $40 in total at different timings of the day, 1 in th morning and the other when we came to visit them at night. Yay! I'm not that broke anymore plus I will be getting my pay on the 31st!! Yippeeeee! I've been pretty depress being broke you know. Not that money is all I think about but just having a sign of relieve buying/spending my hard earn money as a reward for surviving work haha it makes me go.... Aaahhhhhh ;) and not forgetting earning that god damn money by spending most of my time staring at th laptop, running around like mad, calling out to people and just everything work related. It's tiring but it, literally, pays off :)


Saturday was spent solely on Malacca :) It was a 1 day trip yet an eventful one I must say, minus all th Mak ciks hahaha Plus my kitty came along! So it was even great. Highlights of th trip must be watching different types of ceramah in th bus which made me more aware of Islam and also made me fall asleep while listening to it. Not that it was boring cos the Imam Gazi, if I'm not wrong, was hilarious. Loic and I agreed that he reminded us of Cikgu Ahmad hahaha but they played it almost throughout th whole trip and I was very tired and just wanted to sleep for a little while. Nevertheless it was indeed an eye opener for me. Another would be th food. I thought it was gna be like awegasmically good but...eyhh.. It was alright. But the true blue highlight I cannot deny would be the incident at the Mosque. It was damn hilarious I tell you. My sis and I were really laughing our asses off when we had to wear a surgeon-like suit with th raincoat hood and tudung cos th imam didn't let us in. The whole process was just really hilarious :'D But I have to say th mosque was magnificent and beautiful. Just wow. Managed to do some shopping and eat A&W too! Overall the day was spent fruitfully and I had so much fun! :) oh and finally, first 2 chops on my new passport!!! More to come hehe

So today, guess what I did?! I.......... stayed home! Yay! Hahaha was down with horrible flu. Took my meds and KOed haha but I really needed my rest. Had to forgo the free tickets from Tim to USS Halloween night. Meh... But at least there was good food at home - longtong and some sambal crabs and prawns hehe

That's all for now! I hope you guys had a great long weekend. Till then!

The past starts with I

Dear I,

It's been a while. You never seem to cross my mind each time I'm feeling down. Yet, you are the light that makes me sparkle like Edward. You remind me about how things were and it makes me miss you more. You have no idea. I wish to see you around but I doubt it'll happen any time soon reason being, time. It'd be nice to sit and have a quick chat over perhaps honey milk tea. It'd be great if I can be there with you now. Cos honestly, you make my life feel complete...then. Now, it's just different. The confidence you had in me was at the peak. Why did you leave? Your humour, being the social butterfly you are among your friends and just everything about you. You seem so...perfect. I want you back in my life. Please come back :'(

Jane by design

I have too many things I want to achieve, making it harder for me to achieve almost anything I want. So I've made myself a promise to slowly give myself time in achieving all my dreams. Slowly cos all just can't possibly happen at once. I'm no superhuman y'know! This applies to what I want to do with myself be it th clothes, shoes, bags etc I aim for or even wearing Braces.

Finally, I'm wide awake to truly understand that I need to focus on one "mission" before I can proceed on to another. I can finally see what I'm able to achieve if I do it step-by-step. This will help make me achieve what I want for the longest time, I hope. It is no wonder I can't fulfill what I want... Really. And it makes me feel so...suffocated and angry with myself for not being able to do what I aim for :(

So for starters, I am gna start preparing for my blogshop. Yes I know, "whathehell... You siao ah??" I am clearly aware about the fierce competition out there. But hey, it's one of th things I want to do for th longest time. And even if it fails, I know I did try and who knows it will make me know if it's what I Wna do for th rest of my life. In other words, knowing if it's my Passion. And I'm not saying I'll be sticking to blogshop only but to also hopefully open my very own physical store. So.... for now let's just go slow and steady. Hopefully, I'll be able to do it!

Wish me luck! :) & do support me yeah! Hehe

Unsaid.

12.26 am: feeling so down now and I just can't figure out why.


What am I saying. I'm always feeling down - emogerl_92 *inserts5daysMCgrilface*

Conquer what you're afraid of.

As you can see...... I'm carrying a cat! Yes, it's real and not photoshopped hahaha! I finally overcome my fears and did it. It felt really good cos I've always wanted to take a pic of me carrying a cat or at least a pic with a cat in it haha one big, bold tick on my checklist ;)

However, I'm still a little afraid of them when they follow me or when they are active. I become more active as in to watch out for their sudden movements hahaha I know it's weird, but I guess I'll just need some time to adapt to them.

Anw, I hope all is well for you guys! Enjoy the last day of your weekend!



Nights xx

You against the world

I truly believe we are here on earth for individual purposes. Today has just made me understand and see things clearly where you will have to settle problems you have either externally or internally on your own. Yes, you do have people who care for you to listen to your rants and unhappiness but it is you who will make the decision. Thus, as the title reads.

If its meant to be, it will happen

Howdy all ! I know it's been way too long since I visited this page of mine. I apologise to all...if there's even anyone reading this space of mine haha

Anyhow, my internship just commenced about a week ago, 12 September 2012. It's been tough waking up early in th morning but my body clock is slowly tuning in to th timing. So, all is good! Well, just to share a little about my job. I'm working at Mediacorp under th publishing department and I must say it has been what I thought I wanted to do. Yes, thought. Although I'm assigned to magazines I'm interested in, I don't really feel its th job I would want to do in future. Cos firstly, most of the time i'll be doing admin, which I don't mind, at first. I do learn about promo pages and how it works and all. But mostly what I do is basically admin work and collecting prizes and passing it to th reception area.....its getting boring doing it almost everyday with only me doing a body copy once. Secondly, I do not really learn much about marketing. As in I can't really apply most of what I've learnt. And lastly, nothing to do with th job, just my rant. I need to walk a 10mins distance from where I stop which can be a healthy thing but a very tiring one. However, it's only th first week. Hopefully more events will come by cos I will then be able to experience first hand on how th event runs and be at the event myself hehe Praying hard I will be able to learn something "more meaningful" while interning here cos I really do want to learn more and absorb as much as I can while I'm still *ehem* young hehe

Well....that's all for now. Will be blogging quite randomly from now on. This post I'm typing, is with me lying in th dark waiting for my sis to come home with my Honey milk tea! :)

Oh and did I mention. Weekends are th most precious thing for me now! Have to seize both my Sat and Sun!! And I did that today by staying home and watching Hindustan hahaha so much for seizing th day! Have a great weekend guys!

Before I leave, below are just some very overdue photos of how I spent my birthday! Enjoy ! ;)

Tumblr explains it all.

Don't speak, I know what you're thinking

"you must first learn to make yourself happy.."
One of my favourite quotes which really means so much at moments like this. Ive been having difficulty lately, being genuinely happy with myself. It's not the same like how I used to feel about things. Nowadays it's just like meh... Well, it must be th hectic schedule I'm facing right now with submission dates nearing and just lack of motivation. I guess I'll just have to hang in there for now cos after 3 weeks I'll smell freedom.
Anw, I hope everyone's doing good. Happy weekend & to all Muslims happy fasting! :)

Ps. Will try my best to blog a proper post! Till then! ;)

MY KITTY!!

Incoming

How's everyone been? I know I know it has been a really really long time since I last blogged. I just didn't have the chance to sit still and blog either that or I'm just plain lazy to get my laptop started. I apologize for 'disappearing' for quite a while but I just had too many things going on, not that it's interesting or exciting but just too busy with school.

Anyhoo, I just happen to chance upon my friend's boyfriend, who is also a friend of mine, singing for her. A virtual present for her birthday. My heart just kind of sank right into my stomach. It's not that its bad or anything...it just got me thinking about things. Yes, I know you must be thinking - overthinking... But na'ah, just plainly thinking about the most random yet a-matter-of-fact thoughts about myself.

I just realized after watching that short video, I am not that type of person who will declare my love publicly for everyone to see. I'm more of a secretive type where I want to remain as low profile as possible. I mean yes I do blog about my other half occasionally but I just don't get it why must people blog about their love life for everyone to see and know about it, especially during their fights. It's worst when they blog about how they fight and how they patch things up. I mean c'mon guys..... it should be sth private only for the 2 of you to know. By letting others in on your relationship will just make them know your flaws and worst, they might even be the one to touch wood break you 2 up. Ok, I'm digressing.

Well, the point is I just don't know how I should improve upon myself. Be it being a daughter, sister or girlfriend. I'm constantly having this self-conflict recently which makes me angsty to a whole new level. Hais... what the hell did I just type.. I want to be away from buildings and just be surrounded by trees. Many of them with a good listening pair of ears.

Shall update you guys on my Cambodia trip soon and more happier posts, I promise.

It is filling up to its brim.

Wow, it's been almost a month not blogging.. I must have been busy or really lazy. Let's just say I was both. The school vacation has started ever since my last paper on the 29th...so I've been busy with FP, Cambodia trip briefing and just lazing around at home . At least I'm not lazing around all the time so my vacation so far is being distributed equally with activities I have . And not forgetting spending quality time with Loic :)

I have a few updates to share about. First and foremost Loic and I turned 3 two days back. It's was a very simple date. We had dinner for the very first time at Meatworks and it was so good! Like freaking good! I can still taste the beef hours after I eat it and it's just very very delicious. We then headed to Marina Bay to walk around and enjoy the breeze. It was a day well spent with him since we were both busy for the past week before the anniversary so it was really nice to be spending quality time with him.

The next good news is......FP is moving on to the finals for Drumzout competition!! Whoop whoop!! Ok la initially I didn't want us to get through but since thanks to that one bird that shitted on me...i guess luck was on my side... Nevertheless, I was really happy we got through cos secretly I wanted us to get through. Just the thought of having intense practices turns me off big time. Meh...

Lastly, I'm blogging through my phone now since there's not many people that is walking by now. So just to kill the time I have while working hehe!

Breaking out of the cycle I am in.

Well, finally today I've decided to do something different. Initially, I wanted to kick start the day by doing my revision on Retail but I didn't cos that was what i did ystd and I don't really want to repeat what I did again. So..I kicked start my day by playing Muffin Knight while waiting for the Nutella to melt. I then decided to watch tv but I didn't want to watch Starhub channels. So.. I put on A Walk to Remember while sipping on my milk and eating my Nutella bread. I think this would be my 5th time or so watching this movie and it never bores me one bit. My sis actually mouthed out the words cos she's cool like that haha Anyway back to the point. I soon realised that all this while I've been living my life in a uniform, routine kind of way. Like I have everything planned out accordingly and I will most of the time or should I say all the time be doing things the same way and never get tired of it. Well, as quoted from Steve's book "...when your brain is confronted by the same visual stimulus repeatedly, the neural responses are reduced. Your brain is doing what it has evolved to do..." I'm pretty sure that's what I'm going through right now or should I say for the past 19 years. I just don't like to face new things and I like things just the way they are. That's why change is the one thing I'm afraid of. But I guess now, I'm ready to take the challenge of doing things differently and experiencing new things. I want to open myself more to my surroundings and accepting every experience with a positive mind set. As we only live once, I don't want to grow old looking back saying "I should have...." rather I want to look back saying "Did I really do that?!" I just want to change, like I'm really sick not seeing myself improve. I just.. I want to make a difference...

Well....let's just say watching the movie made me realise and ponder upon the little things in life. Let's just say.. I want to see a miracle happen.

Just a short quote from yours truly, "Everyday is a new adventure. Live it. Seize it. Beat it? It's the journey that matters, not the destination."

I wonder..

I've never felt this way before. Well maybe I have....but in different situation with the same context? Hmm.. Fact is, I'm just overwhelmed (not at a cross road) with things happening lately. Well 2 things in particular. The end of Semester 2.2 and SIP. Yes, I've finally ended my second year. And it sucks that I have to be separated from my current class :( This always happens whenever I grow too attached to people and it really sucks to part with them. I guess that's life..nothing stays the same. It's always changing...

I'm still in disbelief that 2 years has just passed by me. Thinking of it now, what Mr Fam told my class during Maths lesson is true. "Time really flies. Before you know it you will be in JC or Polytechnic and this too will happen so fast that before you know it you will already be out there working..." He said something along this line. It's true, everything is passing by like Flash running around the world for 7 days straight (okay, bad simile. But you get what I mean..) and it's true. Now my second year has ended, I need to prepare myself to enter the real world. SIP. This 3 letters scares me. I know I'm just interning for 3 months but I'm just not ready for it. I feel that I lack in so many ways. I just don't know what I want. And this scares and worries me a lot. Well, I guess I just have to find myself before I'm found.

Never maybe?

The past few days made me feel like I was on Battlestar Gelectica. I don't know how to describe the feeling I'm feeling now. I just feel very restless and just not motivated to accomplish anything. I'm just going through a downside in my life right now. Too many things to handle at one go and with so little time. At least I have Angus and Julia Stone to keep me company, yet again on days like this. I just need to keep calm and slow down. Maybe just maybe, I'm over thinking again.

DA FAG?!?!!!!

2011. What a year I must say. As I'm typing this post, I have Effa's blog songs filling up the

almost silent morning. The clock is ticking and each letter I'm typing brings me closer to

ushering the New Year which will arrive sooner than I will ever know. I'm just grateful to have spent my 2011 with my loved ones and that hopefully 2012 will be a better one as compared to this year. This year is just......meh.

Just to fill you guys in on what I have been up to ever since my break started. Most of my time was spent with LoLo, Effa and a little with the family. I guess they are the only people I have to hang out with whenever holidays kicks in. To think of it, I don't really have many friends but I'm appreciative with what I have. Anyway, time spent with them differs though.

Let's start with Mr Koala, a new nickname I give LoLo since I felt he looks like one haha

We have been going for almost all the latest movies. Walking around aimlessly, with no money, around town just holding hands and having small conversations about almost anything and just branching it out to our past experience and just having moments reminiscing.

It's really nice to have someone special to be there for you whenever you need them, both emotionally and physically. Thankfully, this year, we finally managed to go somewhere we both really wanted to go ever since..ever? well at least for me haha Botanic Gardens. Yes, that's the one place I've always wanted to go to but just didn't have the time or I just didn't feel like going due to my constant chameleon mood change. This time round, I had my mind to it and I just had to go there if not it'll be one of my 2011 regret haha Anyway, the mini field trip there with LoLo was a fulfilling one, his cow-cheese-scrambled-eggs bread was part of the fulfillment (if this sentence even make sense? haha) Another part could be due to the success of our photo hunting, the one thing we've been looking forward to ever since I've got my hands on iphone. Sadly, that was the very day I fell sick and still am today :(

In summary, I just love spending time with this boy. He never fail to make me smile, cry, laugh and just he does everything a girl could ask for. Let's just say he's a package full of surprises just like Kinder Bueno, I love him.

Next up, my all time favourite horse hahaha I mean girl. Effaberizanbinhairuddin.

This girl is my one and only bestfriend I have in the world. I have many close friends in the past but I guess she was the only one that could stand who I was and still am and be able to stick with me through the highs and lows. We've been through so much together ever since Secondary 1, where there were a lot of dramas happening all the way through Secondary 5 where we both fell in love with 2 boys who are coincidentally best friends as well. It's funny how everything happened so fast and without even me realizing, we've been friends for almost a good 6 years. That's really long...

Wow! That is long haha I hope this friendship will continue till eternity and beyond. Can you imagine (if this were to happen it'll be so damn cool haha) us giving birth at the same time, just a room away? Wow! That will be a motherofgod moment haha Okay, maybe I'me just thinking too far but I wouldn't be surprise if that were to happen.

Anyway, this 2 weeks break I have (which is not enough..) I've been spending almost most of my time with her. We've been going out for shoe hunting, FP BBQ and practices, doing photo shop for my poster and just a random heart to heart talk at the Design canteen. I'm really happy that I got a chance to pour out my already full heart to her cos little did I know, she was feeling the exact same way as I am. Well, all I can say we always "janji seh" haha

All in all, I'm just really grateful to have her whenever I needed someone to talk to at any random time of the day. I guess she just play a big part of my life besides my family.And I'll never trade her for anyone else, I love her.

Not to forget my family. Although I've not been spending much time with them, I know they are the ones who will be there no matter the situation. My resolution for the next year will include me spending more time with them, insyaallah. I love them.

So let's usher 2012 with the warmest welcome ever. Hopefully it'll be better, I want it to be better.

Happiness

Define the above. Everyone has their own definition on what happiness is. Well for me, happiness is seeing my loved ones happy and knowing that they will always be there no matter what happens. I know this has been said by many but it is a fact you see. So let the pictures do the talking cos a picture speaks a thousand words. K bye.