Dust and bones

Ever felt like you've been waiting for so long that you feel your bones starts to rot that in that process it begins to melt so badly that you become one pile of green blob similar to the colour of Earth?

Well, that wait is called the inactiveness of your body, mind and soul. I've been feeling this way ever since I unofficially graduated just two months ago. Wow, it has been exactly two months now. No wonder my dad's worried about me. He even suggested I join the police force since I'll be ranked Corporal when I enter but with the new system I will enter as a Sergeant. And he's rather supportive about it and yes for the very first time which made me consider about joining. I mean I've always loved watching all the CSIs', Criminal Minds, NCIS and just any sought that involves investigating and getting to the bottom of things. But lets just put that aside for a while cos it's not what I really want to do in future. I mean yes I love solving things and just love the adrenaline I will get out of it. It is however not what I'm passionate about. It's just one of the things I love but not want to actually pursue in?

Currently, all I've been doing is waiting for a sign. Like for example a call from any of the two universities I applied for or even a letter would suffice. But the universe is not giving me anything. Working is another issue. I feel that I'm more picky towards the type of job I want to work cos most of it would require me to commit for "at least 3 months" and I just don't know if I should work or not since I'm waiting for a reply from either of the universities. Then again, I will be able to take leave if say I had an interview to go to for the university. (See how my mind debates, always happen) Another issue I'm facing would be travelling. You guys just don't know how much I yearn to travel. I planned for a graduation trip but with no effort in saving money for it. Tell me how now? Very smart indeed. So, the issues now are waiting for a reply from the unis, not wanting to work for so long cos of sch (if I'm accepted) plus I want to travel and if say I get into either of the unis I applied for then I won't have time to travel as the intended holiday I needed will be used for working, if I were to work. See the whole picture now?

Feeling as if I'm starting to lose my sense of direction in life. This is bad, real bad.