Do you rehearse in your mind on what you are gna say or do but when the situation arises you're dumbfounded? Well, I do #storyofmylife.

It has been too long since I last typed here. Well, life has been pretty hectic especially for the past 2 weeks. Workload is slowly piling up till the sky and I'm still procrastinating, as always. I don't really know what is up with me these days. Been feeling kind of down, insecure and just worrying too much. My head is constantly thinking and processing images of things that might happen. I'm like somehow predicting each and every move I make and the outcome of it. Weird huh? I know..... But I just can't stop doing that :( and most of the things thought are negative ones, like always. I mean its not like as if I want to think about it but just some bad memories and stories makes me think in that manner. You know what I'm saying.. it's like it will naturally flow into your mind and you being the one creating it, adding some effects and things that makes the whole picture just look really ugly and it will end up dampening your mood.I know I should be the one controlling it, but I guess it's just out of control now.

Not only that, for the past few days I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life. I really don't know what I want to do with it. Like there is many things that I would love doing but the possibilities of me being in that particular line is rather slim. All I really need right now is support. I want to feel the way I used to feel like when I was in Secondary 3, I was really on form like it was me against the world and I battled it out myself. I was in control of my emotions and my determination was rather strong at that particular point in time. Now, it's just mere procrastination and rather weak determination. I'm just lost. I really need to work things out both within and outside. My face is filled with blemishes, pimples & pores and I just feel really ugly. Even with make-up, I look the same. If not, uglier. I'm just not myself. I'm sorry for being so pessimistic. Hopeless is how I feel now :(