well,today has been kind of weird.i wasn't myself.i feel so angry and didn't have the mood to dance.i didn't even make anyone laugh..i am really not myself.i think im taking tis blow too hard.i think i shld give this matter a rest.let everyone cool down first.but i doubt it will be back to normal.now that the JESY is no more.because of misunderstandings,enviness and a post i wrote recently.bt it was jus how i felt during that point of time.was i wrong to write that post?am i jus accusing anyhow? i was jus stating my facts on wats happening& how i felt about it..and i think she took it too hard becos it was her im talking about..which eventually ended up like tis.i think both of us are at fault.cos we jus wanted to test each other patience,making one another jealous and becos i got the attention(most of the time..i guess..) and she didnt get the attention and was leftout,most of the time.well,to tell u the truth wen im wit her i didnt got much to say.cos there's nothing to talk about.but wen im wit yus or ct.i would have lots of things to talk about till i'll be running out of saliva.i guess its becos last year she wasn't in the same class as us(me,ct&yus) and i feel kind of awkward whenever im wit her.cos its like we weren't so close for one year accept during malay classes.and she would be the one leftout most of the time.cos i think tat time i was really close wit yus.and there were fights between us lots of time.then now wen we are in the same class i tried to be close to her bt i will still be too used wit wats happened last year.the closeness.i guess if we weren't seperated then there wouldn't b any conflicts between us.i guess im too used wit last year.bt she would have to give me moremoremore time to adjust myself.bt i guess to her its enough.cos she had given me loads&loads of chances.i think if i've had jus given her my 100% and didnt care about anyting else.then tis wouldn't have had happen.i'll jus respect her decision.cos its final.i have to be independent from now onwards.i guess shes better off w/o me.cos she thinks tat its useless to hav a fren like me who only thinks about herself all the time,who is nt even happy 4 her wen she has bf,who does nt even CARE to cheer her up wen she is over thre infront of me crying,accuse her anyhow and didn't care about her feelings.well, all i've gt to say is that yes i do think about myself all the time.and wasn't happy wen she has bf becos i think tat all her attention will b on him(ok tis was long time ago.so i shan't ungkit bout it.)for the accuse her anyhow is yea sometimes cos sometimes im in the wrong and i'll push all the blame to her.and i did care bout her feelings..sometimes.cos im not so good in comforting people.and i jus dnt care.these points have proven tat im not a true fren.bt its for her point of view.becos i didnt treat her as well as i've treated ct and yus.so its their decision on wat they want to think about me.
and it all started out after she read my blog ytd.and before she read the blog,we were both at mc laughing our ass off.and i felt tat it was like before..during sec 1.but it all eventually change after she read about me saying tat she was trying to make me jealous wen she was wit yus at mc.well,all i've got to say is tat it was wat i felt during that point of time.and some other occassions tat happen in sch.its jus how i feel.is tat like wrong to feel tat way?its my point of view.i guess we both cnt understand each other.

dearEffa.i knw you're hurt after u read my blog entry.bt i was jus stating wat i felt during tat point of time.its my point of view.cos whenever i'm wit yus,u will be like some sort of jealous.even u admit it tat time at mc.but the question is y mus u be?i was jus doing my job as a friend to mingle arnd wit them(yus,ct,mimi).cos the three of them are in a different class.so wats wrong if i were to be closer wit them?i too want to knw wats the hot topic they are talking about.and do u realise tat we're in the same class,living in the same block.almost most of my time is spent on u.i never fail to make u laugh till u cry when we're together.the two of us.then when we're with them u will be like trying to make me jealous by walking slowly till you're in line wit them.and i will be like walking in front alone.and u said im the one who ignored u?!i was like really hoping u would walk beside me.and u said tat i was so called the 'chong' for the grp.everyone has to listen to me.well,to tell u the truth u are wrong.cos u said tat everyone laugh at my jokes becos they are force to.like hello.no one was forced.they laugh w/o being forced and laugh becos they think my jokes are hilarious.bt u think the other way.u tink tat they are being forced.well,better get your facts right before accusing me.cos u haven't even knw anything and u are making assumptions.i think im so called the 'popular' one in the grp.that was y u want attention.is that the case.cos if u want the attention i can jolly well keep my mouth shut for the whole day/year or even life.so that u can have all the attention to yourself.tell all ur shits to them and see how they survive.and now u wanto get out of the grp for good.well,all i've gt to say is i'm sorry cos im ur fren.and i think without my presence u can be wit the grp and nt have any problems.like u're having nw.

p.s: im sorry once agn.if i've hurt u in any way.and i knw u will not accept my apology cos i've apologised to u loads of time.bt still acting back to square root 1.bt with tis apology nothing would happen cos action speaks louder then words.

hey.just came back from camp.very tired..my camp was at Labrador,near vivo;] on the 1st day,had to wake up as usual to report to sch.then we assemble in class until our trainers arrive.my class was seperated into 2s.odd&even.thank god my register no. was 10& effa's 6.so we're like in the same grp;D my trainer was Hadi(funny guy i must say.bt very ss&selenge at times;]) we had to do sth on the mahjong paper eg. what are our objectives of the camp,what u want to acheive during the camp... ohya.and my grp name's Peacock(lol).it was the trainer who named it. then around 11 or 12 plus,we reach the campsite.then we had briefing.went to check out our dorms. the first activity we did was abseiling.scary sia.i was force to do. bt in the end i felt a sense of accomplishment(lol).then the next activity was crp(idk wats the meaning of tis;D).ok.its basically doing at least 1 item.cos theres 3 items.the broken bridge,wooden log&the float thingy(idk hw to say it so,yea).after tat grp 9&10 would have to think/create a cheer for campfire nite.no one has any idea except pei fen.bt her cheer's too short.hadi then ask us to do tis cheer.which goes like tis:
x is the musical,
compasitarosa,
opps!comes vela with his tumpeta,
trumpetx2 trumpeta.

sounds funny.bt nice;]
then had our dinner.shower.lights off.

2nd day.had to report at 650am,basketball court.had briefing.breakfast.then on to our 1st activity which was to go hiking at Labrador park...or isit reservoir? had to find the places given on the paper(theres pictures on it).had to complete questions given&did some activity before gg on to the next activity(its sth like the amazing race).very tiring i must say.had to do cheers whenever we saw the camp chief,shima.in order to get points.after the hike.we had our lunch.had to do outdoor cooking.cooked&ate maggi&hotdog.then onto our 2nd activity which was to swing from the log to the other side onto the wooden plank with the rope.Effa was the 1st girl,i guess..she did it wrong&almost hit her head on to the floor.hahaaha.everyone was like running to support her.and the trainer was like so terrified tat he almost cried cos my other fren did the same thing.it was my turn.i did it well;] straightened my leg after the swing,follow all the things trainer asked for.timmy&nicholas was on the wooden plank side to grab me.then the next activity was to climb over tis wooden wall.ok, idk how to explain it bt we would have to climb over it to the other side.was supported by nicholas&jing ming.after tat was rock climbing;D i was asked to do some demo(so embarassing sia).all the boys was 1st to do.then it was my turn.i climbed the wall like no ones business.and beside my was effa(she actually climbed the rock wall 1st.bt she was stuck at some parts).so we ended up finishing together;D next activity was skipping rope.nt any ordinary ones.cos we would have to skip with all the grp members 1 shot.with 1 person each on both side to swing the rope.failed alot of times.bt manage to overcome it.had a so called "competition".if any 1 hit or fail to jump over the rope.he/she is out.number of people became smaller&smaller.the pace became faster&faster.then it was left with jin tong&malcolm.and the winner was jin tong.last activity was to construct sth.its like tis.all of us would have to touch the tennis ball with limited time.the trainer told us tat we would have break a recordof 125,sth like tat cant really rmb the time;].the 1st timing was 138sec.then 2nd timing was 106sec.timmy was like asking the trainer to tell the other sch's tat we from myflower sec.grp 10,class 3f has break their record.then the trainer said tat we were the 1st to set the record and he was actually lying about the other sch's setting the record(wahlaoei!).after tat was campfire.was very fun!had to perform our cheers.night brief&supper.shower.lights off.

last day,which is today.had to report at 720am,basketball court.did some exercise.breakfast.did area cleaning at the boys toilet(it stinks like hell sia).then our last ever debrief.*sobsob* i didnt want to leave cos im loving the place.bt i would have to move on(HAH!).before leaving,trainer yan took a picture of us(me,effa,mimi,yus,ct&haszima).and during the camp we also took pictures bt on the teachers&trainers camera.and it was effa&i who ask them to take;D ok back to the story..before leving we asked trainers to autograph for us.then boarded the bus.reached sch.reported to the hall.we thought tat there was gg to b a sport check.cos mr ho found out 1 person from 3g with hp.effa was scared that she hid it inside ming zhe's nike waterbottle filled with water protected with ziplock&socks,which didnt help eventually(seela,go follow timmy's idea for wat).bt actually they wanted to show us a powerpoint slide during the 3 days,2 night camp(pictures).the background song was sad which made me want to cry.bt i held back my tears;(
the song goes like tis..
keep smilin',keep shinin'....and it goes on..
reached home arnd 1230pm.unpacked my bag.eat lunch.bath & sleep.

ok tis is the longest i've blog so far.so yea..enjoy;]

sch's gonna open soon..i'm so dead..i havnt even finish any of my hwk.except maths&physics;] i dnt knw y by tis yr i'm so into maths;D well,maybe its because i score well in it.and during tis 1 week holiday i havnt even open/touched any of my textbooks.i guess i'll be "burning midnight oil"(said Mishal);D

jus nw went to ct's hse to do all our hwk wit yus&mimi.actually we planned to do all of our hwk.bt we ended up camwhoring instead.even so..we manage to finish our physics&maths..well,i think i'd better do my hwk nw.or else i'm DEADhumanmeat.

i'll upload the pics soon;D
gdbye.