'sugar me.

Breaking out of the cycle I am in.

2012-02-22T16:12:00.001+08:00

Well, finally today I've decided to do something different. Initially, I wanted to kick start the day by doing my revision on Retail but I didn't cos that was what i did ystd and I don't really want to repeat what I did again. So..I kicked start my day by playing Muffin Knight while waiting for the Nutella to melt. I then decided to watch tv but I didn't want to watch Starhub channels. So.. I put on A Walk to Remember while sipping on my milk and eating my Nutella bread. I think this would be my 5th time or so watching this movie and it never bores me one bit. My sis actually mouthed out the words cos she's cool like that haha Anyway back to the point. I soon realised that all this while I've been living my life in a uniform, routine kind of way. Like I have everything planned out accordingly and I will most of the time or should I say all the time be doing things the same way and never get tired of it. Well, as quoted from Steve's book "...when your brain is confronted by the same visual stimulus repeatedly, the neural responses are reduced. Your brain is doing what it has evolved to do..." I'm pretty sure that's what I'm going through right now or should I say for the past 19 years. I just don't like to face new things and I like things just the way they are. That's why change is the one thing I'm afraid of. But I guess now, I'm ready to take the challenge of doing things differently and experiencing new things. I want to open myself more to my surroundings and accepting every experience with a positive mind set. As we only live once, I don't want to grow old looking back saying "I should have...." rather I want to look back saying "Did I really do that?!" I just want to change, like I'm really sick not seeing myself improve. I just.. I want to make a difference...

Well....let's just say watching the movie made me realise and ponder upon the little things in life. Let's just say.. I want to see a miracle happen.

Just a short quote from yours truly, "Everyday is a new adventure. Live it. Seize it. Beat it? It's the journey that matters, not the destination."

I wonder..

2012-02-19T01:33:00.001+08:00

I've never felt this way before. Well maybe I have....but in different situation with the same context? Hmm.. Fact is, I'm just overwhelmed (not at a cross road) with things happening lately. Well 2 things in particular. The end of Semester 2.2 and SIP. Yes, I've finally ended my second year. And it sucks that I have to be separated from my current class :( This always happens whenever I grow too attached to people and it really sucks to part with them. I guess that's life..nothing stays the same. It's always changing...

I'm still in disbelief that 2 years has just passed by me. Thinking of it now, what Mr Fam told my class during Maths lesson is true. "Time really flies. Before you know it you will be in JC or Polytechnic and this too will happen so fast that before you know it you will already be out there working..." He said something along this line. It's true, everything is passing by like Flash running around the world for 7 days straight (okay, bad simile. But you get what I mean..) and it's true. Now my second year has ended, I need to prepare myself to enter the real world. SIP. This 3 letters scares me. I know I'm just interning for 3 months but I'm just not ready for it. I feel that I lack in so many ways. I just don't know what I want. And this scares and worries me a lot. Well, I guess I just have to find myself before I'm found.

Never maybe?

2012-01-23T23:58:00.001+08:00

The past few days made me feel like I was on Battlestar Gelectica. I don't know how to describe the feeling I'm feeling now. I just feel very restless and just not motivated to accomplish anything. I'm just going through a downside in my life right now. Too many things to handle at one go and with so little time. At least I have Angus and Julia Stone to keep me company, yet again on days like this. I just need to keep calm and slow down. Maybe just maybe, I'm over thinking again.

DA FAG?!?!!!!

2011-12-31T02:00:00.011+08:00

2011. What a year I must say. As I'm typing this post, I have Effa's blog songs filling up the

almost silent morning. The clock is ticking and each letter I'm typing brings me closer to

ushering the New Year which will arrive sooner than I will ever know. I'm just grateful to have spent my 2011 with my loved ones and that hopefully 2012 will be a better one as compared to this year. This year is just......meh.

Just to fill you guys in on what I have been up to ever since my break started. Most of my time was spent with LoLo, Effa and a little with the family. I guess they are the only people I have to hang out with whenever holidays kicks in. To think of it, I don't really have many friends but I'm appreciative with what I have. Anyway, time spent with them differs though.

Let's start with Mr Koala, a new nickname I give LoLo since I felt he looks like one haha

We have been going for almost all the latest movies. Walking around aimlessly, with no money, around town just holding hands and having small conversations about almost anything and just branching it out to our past experience and just having moments reminiscing.

It's really nice to have someone special to be there for you whenever you need them, both emotionally and physically. Thankfully, this year, we finally managed to go somewhere we both really wanted to go ever since..ever? well at least for me haha Botanic Gardens. Yes, that's the one place I've always wanted to go to but just didn't have the time or I just didn't feel like going due to my constant chameleon mood change. This time round, I had my mind to it and I just had to go there if not it'll be one of my 2011 regret haha Anyway, the mini field trip there with LoLo was a fulfilling one, his cow-cheese-scrambled-eggs bread was part of the fulfillment (if this sentence even make sense? haha) Another part could be due to the success of our photo hunting, the one thing we've been looking forward to ever since I've got my hands on iphone. Sadly, that was the very day I fell sick and still am today :(

In summary, I just love spending time with this boy. He never fail to make me smile, cry, laugh and just he does everything a girl could ask for. Let's just say he's a package full of surprises just like Kinder Bueno, I love him.

Next up, my all time favourite horse hahaha I mean girl. Effaberizanbinhairuddin.

This girl is my one and only bestfriend I have in the world. I have many close friends in the past but I guess she was the only one that could stand who I was and still am and be able to stick with me through the highs and lows. We've been through so much together ever since Secondary 1, where there were a lot of dramas happening all the way through Secondary 5 where we both fell in love with 2 boys who are coincidentally best friends as well. It's funny how everything happened so fast and without even me realizing, we've been friends for almost a good 6 years. That's really long...

Wow! That is long haha I hope this friendship will continue till eternity and beyond. Can you imagine (if this were to happen it'll be so damn cool haha) us giving birth at the same time, just a room away? Wow! That will be a motherofgod moment haha Okay, maybe I'me just thinking too far but I wouldn't be surprise if that were to happen.

Anyway, this 2 weeks break I have (which is not enough..) I've been spending almost most of my time with her. We've been going out for shoe hunting, FP BBQ and practices, doing photo shop for my poster and just a random heart to heart talk at the Design canteen. I'm really happy that I got a chance to pour out my already full heart to her cos little did I know, she was feeling the exact same way as I am. Well, all I can say we always "janji seh" haha

All in all, I'm just really grateful to have her whenever I needed someone to talk to at any random time of the day. I guess she just play a big part of my life besides my family.And I'll never trade her for anyone else, I love her.

Not to forget my family. Although I've not been spending much time with them, I know they are the ones who will be there no matter the situation. My resolution for the next year will include me spending more time with them, insyaallah. I love them.

So let's usher 2012 with the warmest welcome ever. Hopefully it'll be better, I want it to be better.

Happiness

2011-12-24T10:34:00.000+08:00

Define the above. Everyone has their own definition on what happiness is. Well for me, happiness is seeing my loved ones happy and knowing that they will always be there no matter what happens. I know this has been said by many but it is a fact you see. So let the pictures do the talking cos a picture speaks a thousand words. K bye.

Hunt

2011-12-22T01:00:00.001+08:00

Oh my it's close to 1 now and I'm still awake. I guess I'm just excited for tmr's adventure with dearest Loic :) I hope we'll be able to cancel off things from our "to do before 2011 ends". And to actually have out 'hunt' come to reality hehe will update once we've compiled a portfolio on it! :) follow us @loic_foto and @shugahjuls on Instagram. Have a wonderful soon-to-be weekends. Or should I say enjoy your holidays! <3

The end is nearing with 1

2011-12-20T10:27:00.001+08:00

"until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have."

This phrase just got me thinking and reflecting even more and I think this holds true to how I'm feeling right now.

I don't feel as ease nowadays.
I don't feel content with what I have and I just want more.
I'm just not feeling great with the fact that 2011 is coming to an end and 2012 is coming real soon. Maybe I'm just afraid of the new year. I get this jittery feeling whenever I think about it. And I hate the feeling :( I know I know.. the new year is all about making things right, change for the better, taking the leap of faith....and the list goes on. It sounds cliche but that's what everyone do or at least for me tries to do. I surely do want to achieve that. And I think I will this year. I need to. I guess what I need now is a list to get checked before the new year arrives. I want at least half gone or better yet all the boxes ticked. Wish me luck!

Leme cam

2011-12-19T11:23:00.001+08:00

A day out with my baby girl...finally! :)

Different yet the same.

2011-12-11T23:19:00.002+08:00

I've been reflecting a lot these days. Not anymore about myself but just everything around me. A lot has been happening recently both in school and at home. The workload is more than ever and just family conflicts happening all at the same time.

I used to just overlook at things concerning family. I do care about it but I just don't take it too personally. I will tell myself that this period will not last and the problem will be solved, like always. But ever since, I've been in a relationship with Loic, my perspective of family changed. I'm more concern about it now than I used to in the past. And I kind of not like this feeling cos I know that I am in a way becoming more dependent on the fact that I have a family to depend on and that nothing will happen to this family of mine.

It scares me sometimes to know that after all these years, I've always been in my little bubble and all I can think about is myself. Everything has to go my way and if it doesn't... it's bad. I can't believe I was that selfish. Now, all I want is to get next week over and done with to get my priorities straight and hopefully, to have the conflict solved peacefully :)

On a happy note, I got myself a new phone and I'm the happiest girl in the world of 2011 :D Been smiling and giving happy 'eeee' sounds haha Ok, I'm just happy. At least I'm 20% more motivated to do well for my MST. Thanks MUM <3

Supportive humans.

2011-11-26T14:54:00.005+08:00

"I hate feeling down for no reason, it's like this heavy sinking feeling inside. It's not wanted yet it sits there like a weight on my shoulders."

This past week has been hell. I never want to go through this period again. I always question myself (I like having conversations with myself in my head. It's a pretty weird habit I have and scary thing is, it calms me down), "Why are you so negative about things?" I have always, yes always been negative about things. That's the one most difficult obstacle I'm still trying hard to overcome.

On a side note: I'm still trying my best to write less and talk more. Talking has always been my greatest enemy I wish to defeat. I can do this. I need to.

Too much.

2011-10-26T22:02:00.002+08:00

I believe I just crossed the line yet again. Over thinking things and just imagining on things that do not exist. Going through the same old story and not moving forward. I really have to stop being so immature. Maybe I just wanted everything to be perfect and just like how I pictured it in my head. Truth is, I expect too much just to be disappointed with the results. It's hard, really. You know everyone has their own problems to deal with and each problem differs. It may be considered a small problem to another person but a big one to the person experiencing it. Understanding, is a whole new level. A level I never seem to go through. Maybe I'm just too caught up with my negative train of thoughts that I begin to become unaware of my surroundings. It has always been, one for one. I have this tendency to be in MYworld mode most of the time. Everyone in my house is aware of it. That may be the reason why I'm always being ignored and just not given attention to. Karma's a bitch.

Julaina, you seriously have to stop this crap.

Momentum.

2011-10-25T00:11:00.003+08:00

That's all you need for things to happen the way it used to be. I believe that we are not in that same pace anymore. We are slowly taking different paths and have the pace changed according to our liking. Independence is all I see now. But tragically, that's just how things are. Everything is done alone, even when you're dead. You die alone.

I'm sorry if I sound like a depress-emo-shit kind of person. But I've just been wondering and just thinking a lot lately about myself and just how everything works. It's hard to finally figure out that whatever I was wondering/thinking has its evidences to actually support my 'findings'. I just need someone to hear me out to see if they ever thought about the same things I've been wondering. For now I think I'll just jot it down somewhere so that I'll never forget to share my thoughts with you.

Side track a little.

Today was officially the first day of school. The funny thing about today, when all of us had to market ourselves to our CommSkills teacher, my friend heard me saying "I love washing plates." When I said, "I love watching plays." Is my pronunciation that bad? :( Time to brush my presentation skills up!

iJu

2011-10-20T22:07:00.005+08:00

I'm just feeling a little random right now. So I'm just gna type out 7 random things about myself, instantly.

1. I love the color RED.

2. Sometimes I just don't understand myself.

3. I talk to myself most of the time.

4. I tend to be very unpredictable, at times.

5. I express solely through writing/drawing(doodling).

6. I'm a very shy person, at first.

7. I'm still finding my passion.

There you have it! A random post by yours truly. Oh! and I will be learning French next Sem, having mixed emotions about it. But nevertheless, I've made a promise to be more open to new changes. I'll reach my goals, if I really want it bad. 2.2 I'm embracing you with open arms. Come to dada!

Damn, I didn't know I was that skinny :(

Aches, a happy feeling.

2011-10-13T09:29:00.010+08:00

I just had the longest sleep ever in my life. I slept for nearly 12 hour cos I shocked myself up at around 2.34am to find myself crying badly. I can't quite remember what I was dreaming about... Skipped dinner for my bed, of cos. Sleeping on the hard wooden floor in the Dance Studio was such a painful and cold experience. Wait, I did not even sleep. Maybe for only about 20 mins or so before I shocked myself up. No surprise haha I was tossing and turning around closing and opening my eyes the whole time. It must be the rattling sound from the glass pane and cat's meow. I told Effa I'm gna bring 3 sleeping bags the next time round(if there's gna be a next time round) cos our bodies really hurt from all the courses we did during the ALP, practice for Dreams and lastly to have a "Night with a Twist" which means night activities that involves being blind folded, Amazing Race that involves: running, solving jigsaw puzzles, charates and a few more other activities that requires the whole body to function as one in order to get the next clue. It was a day I feel I filled each hour doing something. It was tiring but I had the most amazing day of my life, period. It has been such a long time not going for camps or doing activities with my school mates. It really brings back memories of Secondary school days and I feel exceptionally happy. I guess I was just really depress back then for not having school activities or not having any overseas trip as a school when Loic, only in his first year, has gone overseas twice with his school. It is nice to once in a while break-free from your normal everyday routine and have such camps or trips as mentioned.

Anyhoo when I woke up today at around 8 am, my whole body was shivering and I couldn't even eat my oreo, hello panda and Tom&Jerry properly. My whole hand was literally shivering. Is it the effect of sleeping too long? Maybe...maybe not...? My eye is swollen as hell. Its like I just got punched by Hugh Jackman, in my dreams hahaha

Sidetrack: I've been really thinking a lot during/after the camp solely on myself. Now, I feel like a total failure for the many things I wish I did do and not have to hurt the ones I love most. It has been bugging me for the longest time. The last time I let loose of my very full bottle out was through the phone conversation I had with Effa which was a year or 2 years back. I guess it was only half of what was in the bottle. Truthfully, now the bottle is filled up to its brim. I feel uneasy and almost at the point of giving up everything. I just can't bear hurting anyone, especially my loved ones. Its hard to let it out now, as it involves almost all of them. It can either be just me over thinking about everything or I am the cause of all the problem. Maybe, its both. I feel that I've been always saying on changing and getting better but fact is, I'm not. I guess it really takes time and some actual experience for change to occur. For now, I just want myself to get better. Change will only occur when you are a completely different in the way you think and do things but at the same time people around you will be able to acknowledge that change, in a positive manner. I will get there, eventually.

To that special someone, I know I've been a real bitch to be treating you in that manner. It's really selfish and mean of me to make you feel hurt. My deepest apology for everything. You have been treating me rather excellently and have always been patient for me to change my bad points. But I guess I've disappointed you many times. Especially now. I'm just not ready for whatever decision you've made or yet to make but whatever it is thank you for everything. You're the best first. Period. I guess the first is always the best. Like I say follow your gut feeling cos that what you do when you first asked me to be yours. Whatever happens, I'm glad I met you. I wouldn't trade you for anyone else. Thank you for everything :')

"She literature student, very emo emo one.." That's what Effa will tell everyone new about me. Its funny yet sad at the same time to know that I'm emo, fairly most of the time. I just can't help expressing more through words written or typed rather than saying it through my voice. It somehow really is how I feel when I write. Voicing it out or expressing my feelings has been my weakest point. Many may actually think I'm arrogant or egoistic when fact is, I'm not. I'm just fairly shy around new people and I will only talk extremely little and just smile or laugh more cos I just do not know what to say and am very conscious on what I say. I know I cannot always do that. That is one of my many weaknesses which I need to improve on. I just need to.

The irony. It's hard for me to accept facts(or rather critiques) but I believe in it. I believe it makes you a better person. I believe I need to work on accepting it with a pinch of salt and make do with what I have to make things right, for once.

In my head..

2011-10-08T23:51:00.006+08:00

Effa's birthday present, what is my passion, Boo Boo, the date(9.10.11) -cool, diy bag, my eye, iPhone4S, my body, camp, insecurities, USS, money, money, money - I know it doesn't always need to revolve around it but fact is, I'm in need of it now :( Why am I so broke now out of many other days? :(

I miss receiving daisies :( I think I just missed many things in life. Fret not, I will not settle :)

Patience and faith is all I need now to find my way. Life's just too short to not be happy.

Innovation starts now.

2011-10-06T09:06:00.008+08:00

A true leader.

2011-09-20T23:20:00.008+08:00

The day I dye my hair is the day I told you Mas and I are doing something together at her place which is to dye our hair which is to tell you after LoLo's back and now my hair's dry :( But my baby's BACK!!!! :) x infinity

Many uncertainties still remains unsolved. This part of having so much ups yet is make even with downs. Once its opened and bared, all that was needed was some salt to make it swell. It changes the taste, smell and even texture of it. An unwanted mark is being born. It heals but it will never be gone. When oh when dear God will it ever be forgiven and forgotten. Can that dear soul be forgiven or letting go is the only way to make everything just fine. But after so long?! That is just ridiculous.

Zalyla: So how's life?

Answer: ___________ .

Zalyla: Owhhh... Sucks to be you!

This is how she would ask and answer, really miss my babyZaza :(

I miss someone I know dearly, Julaina Binte Dahlan. When are you coming back? :(

Speaking of which, had a conversation with Effa just now in the Tranformers bus and she slept half-way through the conversation. So rude! hahaha #insidejoke

Okay maybe, I shall go back to twitter. I think the blue birdy misses me :(

No wonder, Effa got me a Red Notebook. My thoughts are always randomly thinking of something. Here's a perfect example.

Till then kitties! :)

Oh and my English.....tsktsktsk it's getting worst! Library, I'm paying you a visit :)

2011-09-16T16:48:00.010+08:00

So my birthday was celebrated before, during and after 13 September.The first celebration I had, which was celebrated 7 days before my birthday, was with Noor. I went karaoke with the girls and had prata with Mas before meeting him.

We met right outside H&M and I was super excited cos it was my first time entering it. He then surprised me with a gift card worth $50! He doubled my excitement. So, off we went shopping for things to buy and boy was I very very indecisive on what I wanted. Ended up spending 3 hours in H&M. I bought mostly the things I needed/ever wanted. I was on cloud 9 hehe

Then, we didn't know where to eat dinner. So, we ended up at F.I.S.H. The food there was awesome! Noor couldn't stop eating and he even helped me finish my dish haha You should try their Fish and Chips, Noor said it was the best Fish ever and I couldn't agree more. I was a very happy girl that day and to be spending it with Noor just doubled my happiness.

On the day of my birthday, I was feeling a little upset with reference to my previous post. It just didn't felt like it was my birthday. I had the intention to skip FP as I did not have the mood to meet anyone but Effa told me not to and to just go for it. I went and ended up feeling better after I played some nice beats :B They then surprised me with a cookie-like-spongecake but it wasn't that spongy just softer than a cookie and sang the birthday song for me and another guy whose birthday just passed. I had to stand in front of them by the way and it was a little embarrassing haha But it was so sweet of them to do so :)

At night, on the very same day, I was surprised by the siblings with a brownie cake when I got home from FP. They made my day special even though it was a super mini celebration and I felt way better than I did during the day :')

The day after my birthday which was on the 14th, I had a mini celebration with Mas, Leonard and Madeline.We ate lunch at Fish and Co. And at first I didn't know why we had to eat there haha cos it was very odd for us to

eat expensive lunch. So, we ate normally. Then, we headed to Coffee Bean, Ion to have a "drink". That was what Leonard said. I was still bloated at that point of time from the Fish and Chips I ate not long ago. So I asked him and Mas to order first while I decide on what I should drink. While talking to Madeline about the halloween job, Leonard and Mas came to the table with a slice of A Thousand Island Cake together with a candle lighted up but it was blown by their laughter hahaha I was really surprised and was just left speechless. We shared the cake but ended up not finishing 1/4 of it.

Leonard had to leave so it was left with us girls. I later found out from Mas that Leonard actually wanted the Fish and Co people to sing for me birthday song while I stand on the chair with the crowd looking at me. Luckily the one at Paragon wasn't crowded at all! Lucky me! hahaha

Next, to H&M as Mas wanted to find her dress. We lined up for the fitting room which was averagely long. We both ended buying stuffs when it was supposed to only be Mas shopping for hers :( Now, I really need to restrain myself from going there :( Madeline left afterwhich. So Mas and I had Sprite at Cine Macs before heading to Watsons. And we both bought something to do together the next day at her place hehe I'll blog about it after Noor comes back from Vietnam ;)

Later at night, I went over to Effa's place. She surprised me with a red leather notebook with her birthday message inside. My tears were welling up as I read her message. It was one of the most precious birthday gift received. I gave her a hug for it, this was before I read it. FYI: Its really hard for me to give hugs to people even to my bestfriend but I just knew I had to hug her for not only the present but also for everything. So, Effa really made my birthday extra special than what it already was. :')

To sum it up, even though it wasn't a big celebration all the minis made it the most pleasant birthday I have ever had. It would never have happened if not for all these people. I sincerely am thankful to have them in my life :') Thank you all so much for making my 19th a special one. <3

2011-09-13T00:38:00.004+08:00

Here I am blogging half an hour plus after turning 19. Still feeling insecure and just distraught. I'm still unsure if I'm ready to be 19. Well, I guess its just too late for that now since I've already turned 19. I'm not sure how or what exactly I'm feeling right now. To sum it all up, I just feel empty inside. It's just hollow. I'll figure things out slowly. But for now, I just wish to be alone.

And thank you,sincerely, to all who wished. It really means a lot :)

2011-09-02T10:45:00.008+08:00

11 more days before I turn 19. The day I'm not looking forward to. Always receiving texts. comments and calls from friends and loved ones but never a proper wish from both my parents. My dad. He usually forgets about it and will only be reminded by my sisters. My mum would just be like "Happy Birthday" with her act cute voice. That voice is usually used whenever she wants something or she's happy. In other words, her happy tone. It's not like I want anything materialistic from them but I mean it would be good to have something you want brought by them. But all I want from all the previous birthdays celebrated is just a warm, tight hug from them. Especially my mum.

I really can't remember how was it like celebrating my birthday when I was younger. No vivid memory of my birthday can I remember it being loving, sweet and just really feeling the love. My family works in a pretty odd way. Sometimes I envy those family not being awkward and shy to really express their feelings to one another. Take for instance my best friend. Her mum really loves her despite being violent towards her once in a while due to her behavior.(And I believe that's pretty normal in every household, to discipline the child) And I'm not saying that my mum don't or doesn't love me. But the way my best friend's mum show her love towards her is through actions like hugging and giving her kisses on her cheeks or forehead and even telling her she loves her. In my case, I need to know that my mum loves me. And how? It's by just knowing it, without any evidence like the above. It has been like that for nearly 19 years. It's just awkward and odd for us to have body contact with one another and just very very odd to express our love for one another. I don't know, it has always been that way. That's why whenever anyone becomes touchy I'll feel really weird and uncomfortable. Especially so when they look into my eyes and give me very sweet, loving words. I'll feel the jitters. The culture I grew up in is just to just know you're loved and mind your own business. You're independent in your own small world. Everything is just void.

This is why I never really like listening to my friends telling me about their family and how expressive and normal they are. In fact, I hate it. I mean of course, every family will experience fights and bad moments with one another just like mine. But what differentiate my family to others is mainly the bond they have. I know I have a family and I can see them there standing in a place called home. But we're like strangers to one another. Everyday routine, is to have them come home late and by then I would be doing my work or asleep. And I know they have to work hard to provide this family of mine. It's just saddens me at times to know that I do have a family yet at the same time those people are like strangers to me. Strangely, I feel normal or not awkward expressing myself to my bibik. She is the one I'm most comfortable to communicate with. The irony.

All these years I've been bottling up my emotions and at times it becomes destructive. The hatred I have these years cannot be compared to the love I receive. It overpowers love. It's really tough to overcome it. Tried and failed. All I want or rather need for my birthday,is to break free from the hatred I have in me and feel loved. From no one else, but my family. Especially my mum, Like for God's sake, I was in her for freaking 9 months. How can I not feel loved but just know I'm loved?

Hatred, my worst enemy ever. Period,

2011-08-24T02:40:00.002+08:00

Insecurities kills :(

2011-08-20T11:48:00.001+08:00

PASSION + CONFIDENCE

The 2 things I need to figure and work on. I need to.

2011-08-15T01:18:00.002+08:00

You know, at times I feel somehow people view me as 'Bochap' or the girl who tries her best to know something but ended up not knowing it well. I feel sad at the thought of it. Not only is it proven by my siblings but also my friends, I think. I don't like it when people view me as the girl who talks wrong English or the girl whose words are mispronounced most of the time. I'm just sad to know that I am viewed that way.I need to change these perceptions people have of me. I'm sick of even having thoughts about myself being that way. A change from within is needed, pronto!

Do you sometimes feel that you're not as worth it as the other girls in this world? This feeling sucks.

MEH MEH.

2011-08-12T09:50:00.002+08:00

"Unbelievable, that is what I said when I felt your love. So sweet and so pure , without it I'm not sure if I can edure, all the trials and tribulations of feeling alone, trying seems so wrong, so just press play and hear my song. The thought of you calms me whenever I'm fuming. I think you're a fine tuning to my soul, the weather will never be cold once our love story unfolds."

12 July 2009

Is this how you still feel?

2011-08-09T18:01:00.005+08:00

What i miss most.....

My Bestfriend, Effa Rizan Binte Hairuddin. We used to hang out alot in the past. Everywhere she is, you'll find me there. She's more like a sister to me. We used to do everything together and help each other out whenever one is in trouble with life, family and love. She gives great advice and always fill me in with the latest update about my surroundings. She is somehow a 'reporter' who will know the latest gossips, break ups and her latest crushes(...on actors of course). She is one of the most determined and passionate person I've come across besides my boyfriend. It scares me a little, in a good way, as to how determined she is to achieve her dreams badly. She has been there for me since Secondary 1 and I would never want to lose her because she is one of the many important people in my life:')

My most random friend ever, R9eza. Before I even begin, I'm already random to include the random name we came up with haha The most random person you will find on this planet Earth. A friend you would be with whenever you're down or having a hard time making decisions. She will always have her catchy phrase of "Hidup mesti mau happy mah.." That very phrase that never fails to be in my mind whenever I'm down or in the midst of giving up. A short yet sweet phrase that means alot. We used to hang out alot during Literature class and come up with random things to do. Like for example, acting out one of our text when the teacher gave us work to do and even tried being the character. We never fail to laugh at our randomness and just be plain random at almost everything. A day out with her will never fail to be filled with randomness. A friend I would never forget for the rest of my life :')

My two very close friends I have in TP. Masturah on the left also known as Upin and Leonard on the right. My motivation to come to TP. The 2 people who I look forward to whenever I come school and who I am very thankful to have friends like them. We used to do alot of amusing things together. Now that we're in different class and even worse different course, I feel very very naked without them :( They are the ones who will be there whenever I needed back up, the one who will never fail to put a smile on my face every single day and they are the ones who accepts me for my wrongly pronounced words and the way my tenses were all over the place. I really miss them :'( The 2 people I won't forget..ever :')

My boyfriend, Noor Loic Bin Satar. His dad is my 'best friend'. I miss how we used to see each other everyday, since we were in the same school. How we used to hang out at the canteen after school and study together. He teaches me although I'm older than him. The most intelligent human being, I swear. The way he thinks.....I'm not sure how to explain it. It's just plain genius. The first ever real boyfriend I have so the level of importance he is in my life is pretty high. One of the people in life I wouldn't want to lose be it as a boyfriend or friend :')

To sum it all up, I just miss the past. I've been breaking down alot easily these few days and I don't know why. Just thinking of the past makes my throat tight and my tears slowly accumulating together just waiting for the right time to flow out. A mixture of reminiscing and school work is constantly playing in my head. Overwhelmed is exactly how I feel :'(

2011-08-07T22:46:00.004+08:00

Life is pretty much alright. Trying my best to survive it each day. Nothing extraordinary has happened for the past few weeks except for the fact that I'm done with ALL, yes ALL, of my projects. Now, I'm left with presentations and EST for some subjects. I am really looking forward to my very long holidays that will be coming pretty soon. I really need a break from everything and just rest my mind, body and soul. Speaking of which, my mind and soul's not at ease :/ So, I'm gna use the holidays to change myself both physically and mentally to prepare myself for the Semester 2.2 in October :) I've been procrastinating too much on that. So now, its time for some power pack action to take place :)

2011-07-25T22:46:00.016+08:00

It has been quite sometime since I last wrote here. School has just leaped its way up from being busy to hectic :( It really sucks to be in this situation where time is not on your side. But I'm still in this battlefield fighting till the end. Talking about the end, my holidays will be coming pretty soon and I'm so very excited for it. I've got a whole list of activities I'd love to do and for once, I'd like to travel overseas during the school holiday period.

It has been years since I last did that. The last long overseas trip that is still fresh in my mind was the trip to Australia, Gold Coast. I was young and lost during that point of time haha so whatever I experienced was just solely for the fun of it, I never questioned on anything. For now, at this age, I'd really love to explore and experience a whole lot of new things since I'm able to think, critique and understand things much more. My CB lecturer would always encourage all of us to go travel and see the world. As quoted, "just get out of Singapore!" it even comes to a point where he became really desperate for all of us to travel that he was even willing to pay for the air ticket to and back from the country we choose. But obviously we had to pay him back but he is in no hurry to have the money back. He is one of the many reasons that makes me want to travel.

The next vital reason for me wanting to travel is to widen my perspective and horizon of life. I really feel as though I'm stuck in the bottle afraid of spilling. I'm too comfortable in my own zone and I restrict myself from exploring. I know I suck :( But that's just me, afraid. Afraid is one of the key words that best describes me. It comes to a point where I had to force myself to break free from my comfort zone. I just restrict myself from doing things I want to do and I do not know why :/ So this is another problem I have to work on during the holidays or even now.

Well, for now I guess its just composing myself and fight my way through this battlefield called school life.

You know sometimes I just wish I can be as open as the sky, be spot on, have the confidence in everything I do and the list just goes on. I'm not any of whatever is mentioned above and I bet many especially close ones are quite irritated/frustrated/'please just change for once' with me :( I'm still working on the conflict within me. As now, I realize I'm not contented. I just feel really empty and lost these days. & I just really really hate this feeling. I'll be better one day. I just need time to compose my thoughts and feelings. I'll be Juls. Motivation and support is all I need right now :')

2011-07-13T21:02:00.004+08:00

"He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man." This quote is constantly in my head for god knows what reason. Anw I'll be meeting up with the boy(above) tmr!! Like after years of not meeting up with him...haha not years la but 5 days to be exact. I really miss him like the drought yearning for rain to come. So tmr, we're gna catch Hally Pottar Part 2!! Supa excited! :) hehe k, I shall go study for my SPSS now.

On a lighter note, the boy had his Scholarship Ceremony just now. Sadly, I wasn't invited :( haha kidding. I had school so...I wasn't able to make it :/ Nevertheless, I was rooting for him from TP with POMPOM and some cheers :) hehe So proud of my baby :) I wna be like him too! hehe Anw, I have this weird craziest thing I'd love to do, which is..... to be on the DHL Board. Plausible? :/ At this rate I'm going haha I doubt it but it'd be the greatest achievement ever if I'm able to make it there. IsyaAllah :) I just gotta work harder and consistently. For now, getting As would suffice :)

2011-07-10T13:49:00.006+08:00

Do you rehearse in your mind on what you are gna say or do but when the situation arises you're dumbfounded? Well, I do #storyofmylife.

It has been too long since I last typed here. Well, life has been pretty hectic especially for the past 2 weeks. Workload is slowly piling up till the sky and I'm still procrastinating, as always. I don't really know what is up with me these days. Been feeling kind of down, insecure and just worrying too much. My head is constantly thinking and processing images of things that might happen. I'm like somehow predicting each and every move I make and the outcome of it. Weird huh? I know..... But I just can't stop doing that :( and most of the things thought are negative ones, like always. I mean its not like as if I want to think about it but just some bad memories and stories makes me think in that manner. You know what I'm saying.. it's like it will naturally flow into your mind and you being the one creating it, adding some effects and things that makes the whole picture just look really ugly and it will end up dampening your mood.I know I should be the one controlling it, but I guess it's just out of control now.

Not only that, for the past few days I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life. I really don't know what I want to do with it. Like there is many things that I would love doing but the possibilities of me being in that particular line is rather slim. All I really need right now is support. I want to feel the way I used to feel like when I was in Secondary 3, I was really on form like it was me against the world and I battled it out myself. I was in control of my emotions and my determination was rather strong at that particular point in time. Now, it's just mere procrastination and rather weak determination. I'm just lost. I really need to work things out both within and outside. My face is filled with blemishes, pimples & pores and I just feel really ugly. Even with make-up, I look the same. If not, uglier. I'm just not myself. I'm sorry for being so pessimistic. Hopeless is how I feel now :(

2011-07-05T00:54:00.002+08:00

I am more than determine to improve myself. Really cannot take the way I am now. Slow and steady Julaina.

2011-06-27T00:00:00.004+08:00

Soul searching in progress. I'm sorry if I seem weird or talk to myself most of the time thinking it's funny or just trying my best to make you laugh but fail to do so. For the past 3 days I've been asking myself the same questions again and again. Still, I fail to find the answer. I'm just not myself, I can feel it. But somehow I can show I'm alright. Fact is, I'm not. What's wrong with me?!! Must be A7X....always making me reflect deeply about life and myself. Sometimes I wonder how would people react if I'm dead. Will they rejoice or sob? I'm just in a mess right now :( No worries, the usual Julaina will be back after "construction" within :) ...hopefully soon.

2011-06-21T22:32:00.004+08:00

Something major happened today....

Bestfriend and I.....

had our.............

ear............

PIERCED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^

Finally, something achieved after much contemplation. So happy but now in PAIN :(

And ewwwww! my face looks horrible :( :(

2011-06-21T20:37:00.010+08:00

What an eventful day ystd was. Caught Hangover 2 with Loic to celebrate our twenty7th months and had lunch at Mad Jack, it was our first time eating there. Finally, something new! Haha if not, it'd be the usual Cahaya or Puncak. I had fun except for the fact that the weather was being a bitch and it will be our last time meeting up since he will be going to Batam on Wednesday :( At least we spent some quality time together :)

He likes playing with his food.... OH NO!!

So rude right?!! tsk tsk tsk **shakes head shakes head

After which, met up with my 2 gergerlzz. Zaza was late.. haha So, bused down to Arab Street where we lepak and story tell. I was listening most of the time. Did a little reflection on myself and there's many things I still wna accomplish. Anyway, it was so fun catching up with our baby Zaza :) I really had the best time of June hehe although it started off awkwardly but at least it ended off with awesomeness. I guess what I really need now is to hang out more with friends cos I've been hanging out too much with Loic, which is not a bad thing. But I just need to have a balance amount of time divided for my family, friends and boyfriend. That is one thing I'm lacking of - dividing my time equally :) Ok, let the photos ROLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!

This week's gna be power pack action! KHPOWWWW POWWWW!! At least, finally, I'm spending my holiday fruitfully and there's always something on for me to do. I'm happy like a bird! An OWL to be exact hehe

2011-06-18T21:58:00.002+08:00

BARE YOUR SOLE!

Attempt to be a photographer huahuahua phail!

It was raining in the morning, so we had to suit up in our... PONCHO!

The weather was freakin' SHIOK for..... SLEEPINGzzzzz

Felt like I was in Hawaii, Honolulu? Ma hometown hahahaha

We took like 8 cans altogether, gave 2 away to the event securities and the rest we divided equally. Consumed 2 cans each.....and we got high hahaha ok, maybe its just me -.-

High faces hahahaha

The toilet was damn cool la!!! So juggle like....reminds me of Tarzan but the modern version

Paid 2 bucks to have our name on the brick to "build" the house.

A MUST visit PARK :)

2011-06-17T23:46:00.002+08:00

My Bibik's home!! and she got me vitamins for my hair!! :) Damn happy you know!! :) Now, I won't have to buy 'em for at least a month or 2 which means I can save money hehe In addition to that, she brought home like manymany packets of Indo MEE!! HELL YEAHHHH!! Ok, I shall apply the vitamins now. My hair will be smooth, shiny, strong and black thanks to the different strength each have hehe

Oh and everyone of you should check out this website : stumbleupon.com IM ADDICTED TO IT! Shall blog about it soon! Need to sleep now, Bare your SOLE tmr morning at 6am! Oh no!

2011-06-14T23:21:00.003+08:00

Finally in life, I've learnt something new. It is easy to forgive but real hard to forget. A fact, indeed. I just cannot believe what is happening to us right now as in me and best friend. Seriously, almost everything that is happening or happened will always happen at the same time. Such coincidence. I won't be surprise if both the love of our lives propose at the same time and even have the dates of our wedding on the same day. It'd then be chop guarantee double confirm fate. I'm happy at least I have her in my life besides my family. Another lesson learnt today, family will always be there no matter what shit you've been through. It's proven and tested by yours truly. I feel bad and guilty for turning down invitation to go out with them. When they are the ones who are there for me no matter what. But me, I'm always there for my boyfriend.

God's just making me realize everything slowly. Thank you God :) I hope you'll guide me through this phase in my life because I'm in need of some guidance by you.

Thank you Best friend, Zalyla and Sanjay. You guys are the best! And those who were concerned :) I really appreciate your care and concern.

2011-06-13T22:26:00.005+08:00

Been feeling kinda weird lately. I'll be happy for one moment and sad/pissed/angry next. Seriously don't know what's up with me. My period's over but I feel like I'm still having it, as in my attitude. Whatever I've planned isn't really going the way I want it. Sigh...

On a lighter note, I trimmed my hair today! :) My sis reaction when she saw my hair "you never even cut...still looks like a broom" -.- I cut it lo...ok trimmed. At least my hair has lesser split ends(I hope) and with bangs. Best friend had hers snipped off too. And I think our hair's about the same length. Reminds me of Secondary school days where we both would do everything together and similarly. It comes to a point where our friends/seniors started labeling us as 'Twins' Oh how I missed those joyful, carefree days :')

I'm just not at ease these few days. I just feel there's no one I can truly pour out my feelings to just like how I did in the past....I just feel like a failure...sigh...Well, I guess all I really need now is to find my..... inner peace. Just like how Po did :) I want to find mine quick cos I feel real sucky and I really hate this feeling :'(

2011-06-11T23:44:00.003+08:00

Finally, the week I longed to get over with is here. 2 weeks is what I have. I want nothing but to make this 2 weeks, a fruitful and awesome one. No more lazing around and do nothing.

One thing to self note: It is time to change. I'm gna do everything I can to have it done and carry out the way I've been planning for years. No more procrastinating or just blindly playing it in my mind. It is time.

2011-06-05T22:45:00.002+08:00

Many moons passed, everyone change together with it. Change is and will always be inevitable. The change from being as innocent as a lamb to being as wild as a wild boar. Things will never remain the same. Oh well, life....I'll move as you move.

2011-05-30T01:24:00.004+08:00

I guess everyone is at their wits end. Too many things to handle with so little time. Change. That is/was what I aim for since forever? But I just don't put in effort to make sure change happens. As we go on, growing old day by day, the more we feel the need to be responsible. Summary of my 6 hours sit-click-count people. What an eventful day. And finally yesterday, I managed to accomplish what I was supposed to do, days or even weeks back, after much procrastination. I shall stop procrastinating and start living life the way I want. I should care less of what people think and care more of what I think. Tomorrow is gna be a better day :)

2011-05-23T23:32:00.003+08:00

"OMG. It's okay, Ipin. You are not alone. People are having trouble understanding the subjects too. Don't beat yourself up too much. I know you, you really want to do well but you shouldn't forget that you deserve a rest once in a while. You have to slow down sometimes to catch up. Don't run too fast or else you will miss out on the important things. Okay?"

I was emotionally and mentally unstable hours back. But.....I feel so much better now after eating my chicken rice and also thanks to Upin and baby for comforting the depressed me. I just really want this badly but I guess I'll just have to start slow and steady in order to win the race. I can do this, I know I can! :)

2011-05-15T23:46:00.002+08:00

Spent my Sunday at Hub and home.

Spent my whole Saturday with them plus Madeline.

2011-05-10T23:13:00.004+08:00

OH no! Procrastination's running circles in my head :(

2011-05-06T20:11:00.002+08:00

I've been reflecting lately. A lot of things just can't stop playing and re-playing in my mind. It's hectic. Emotions of course come together with what I'm thinking about. I"m overpowered by it. You know, I guess I'm just at that point in my life where all my senses played a part in making me realizing how much I've grown as an individual physically and most importantly, from within. I don't exactly know what I'm feeling right now cos many emotions are just mashed up together, kicking each other asses for that one position 'it' wants. But I guess sadness wins it all. No runner up what so ever. Anger can be the next winner, as I'm typing.

You've changed..what happened to that once caring, loving and always enthusiastic person I've known. I'm just human you know.

2011-05-02T23:47:00.001+08:00

:''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(

2011-05-02T00:47:00.005+08:00

My brain was working perfectly well in the bathroom an hour ago. My thoughts were all lined up accordingly and I knew what I was gna blog about. Now, it's just filled with unicorns, rainbows and butterflies.... Oh no! :( Should've brought my laptop with me and shower as I type haha

Anyway, first things first, school has finally commenced! And boy, my first day of school was mind blowing because........ MAROON 5 was here baby!! Ok ok back to school first. Well, school was alright. Had Orientation on the day itself and everything just passed by so fast. Before I knew it, I was making my way downtown *insert White Chicks* haha to the Stadium for the concert. Although I was really super tired due to the hyperventilation I had the previous night, it didn't matter to me when I was there. I just felt so alive! Had dinner first with Baby before proceeding there and Baby was as excited as I was haha Reached the Indoor Stadium...yada yada yada.... Stef came with Cass and we were all pumped up for the concert! But of course, we fans had to wait for about 35 mins before they made their entrance. Suddenly the lights went out for a drink of electricity, and....... Oh yeah! ......*screams*****Oh yeaaaaah! ***screams even louder****** The concert started with Misery and ended with Sunday Morning. Adam sounds really good live! Overall, I'm satisfied and I think I'm still having post "fever" of them haha been YouTubing their videos esp those with Adam in it hehe

Back to life. Last week just flew right before my eyes. School's alright..just not how I pictured it to be like. It's more stressing :( But I'll just take it as it is and stay positive. Well, I'm still friendless...as in not really friendless but I still haven't made new friends whom I can somehow "label" them as good friends. Maybe it's because I've not met with every single one in my class :/ Then again, I just can't give two hoots whether or not I have friends. The numb feeling with this whole ship friends are on is just how I feel. At least I now know who my real friends are. Well, hopefully this week things will turn out for the better :)

All in all, what an overwhelming week!

2011-04-22T16:09:00.010+08:00

Friends. They come and go whenever they want, be it night or day, rain or shine. The first phase of knowing someone new is always very very scary, nerve wrecking. Questions will start to cloud your mine as to whether they will accept you for who you are or for what you are. Major difference. Some would resort to putting on a facade in order to be friends with that particular person. Sometimes I wonder why would they resort to such "fakeness" in order to be friends with them. Well, they just want to be accepted. I mean who doesn't right?

Acceptance is a person's agreement to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit. In order to be accepted, they know that they will need to conform to certain "rules" that is made by the soon-to-be-friend. I was once in that position. Especially during Primary school. In school, there was the popular, happening kids and the boring, not so friendly ones, ironically. I can still remember vividly that I will try to buy things that my friends own just because my thinking,then, was if I have the same things etc wallet, bag or even shoes as them we'll be friends forever. Yes people, just because of the similar things owned. I was in the "group", the popular one. I felt accepted and I was weirdly happy with my friends even though I would be the one whom they'd make fun of. But for the friendship, I was willing to do anything to stay in that "group". Friends was my everything.

As I grow, I soon realize how stupid I was to follow every single shit they did in order to be accepted. I became my usual self back. I made a vow to myself to never be someone I'm not just because I wanted to be accepted. The start of Secondary school, it was a fresh start for me to make friends with anyone I came across. Honestly, I'm only better at clicking with my own kind but I still do have close ones from the other kinds. I had my own clique of friends. It consisted of 4 girls, including myself and my neighbor. I was happy with the group because I was the leader. Chey.. But soon, I realize they dislike me because I was bossing around a lot and I did many shit which was just plain childish. I was A bitch. They were afraid of me because I was the sensitive one and I was the one who would put on a black face up to the point where they would have to come and pujuk me. Yes, my ego was damn big then. Still, friends was my everything.

As years passed, our friendship of 4 dismantled. We formed our own cliques. Soon, in Secondary 3, I was the only one in F class while the rest, G class. I was alone. But during that point of time, I felt great. I was able to focus properly, boys did not cross my mind at all and I was just in that small JuJu world of mine. I was at my best form. Although friendship problems was always there to make me breakdown every once in a while but I was still able to perform. Secondary 4 came. I soon realize who my true friends are. But there was one girl in particular who became my best friend up till this very day. The girl who was in the group of 4, the one whom I betrayed to have my own clique, the one who was there for me even though I hurt her and the one who form her own clique with the other kinds - my neighbor. Up till now, I still can't forgive myself for all the shit I did to her. But at the end of the day, she was the one who accepted me for the way that I am.

Sec 4 passed by with the two of us against the whole world. We were both inseparable. Boys were not in our way. We both just focused on our studies and everything we did, we did it together. I was happy because nothing was in my way and friends wasn't the problem anymore.

Sec 5 came, it was the major year for the 2 of us. But amusingly, our love life somehow happened together on that very year. And guess what we were attached with a pair of hot twins!!!...NOT. A pair of best friends, just like us. We began to drift because we had our love life to entertain. But we still did have double dates.

Soon enough, poly came knocking. And guess what? We both got into the same school even though it was my 5th choice and hers 1st. Fated much. I was really nervous on the first day of orientation, that I actually broke down on the way home from school. Yes, that was how nervous I was but at the same time sad that I would be friendless. But, I then had my own clique, yet again, although I did clique with my whole class. I was happy again with my class since I was accepted by everyone. But friendshit just had to happen. Shan't elaborate about it, since I've let it out to both my best and boyfriend who are very supportive and understanding about it :) , cos it won't make a difference to my life anyway.

All in all, I just realize how much I've been through just with friends. The saying of "friends come and go" is totally a true fact that everyone needs to accept. I've made the mistake of depending on friends more than family and I've finally learnt. I've moved on. Well, that's life. No point staying stagnant for something that's not as worth as living your life to the fullest.

2011-04-21T19:01:00.002+08:00

I'm going for a shorter haircut - demi-bob. Should I? decisions...decisions.....decisions......

2011-04-21T00:14:00.002+08:00

25th-Hotplate Crab Meat Noodles-Scream 4-Honeymilktea from KOI. A day spent with my boy.

2011-04-19T00:15:00.001+08:00

Hello 19th, its time to see if I make or break it today. Wish me luck!

2011-04-18T21:11:00.005+08:00

From weeks or should she say month, its now only days before her life changes. No more waking up at 11am, no more sitting all day long in front of th television, no more waiting for luchtime to come because its always provided for, no more thinking of what to do later on during th day but eventually stay at th same spot watching TV all day and just no more waiting. Th very day she longed for will finally come. Excited? Yes. Nervous? Heck Yes! But all she is thinking about now -what the hell has she been doing for th past month plus? Waiting. Yes, wait was all she did. Although her patience was running thin but she persevered and was determine enough to wait. Wait, made her skinnier. She gave up on going out with people, she was being anti-social for some weeks. She just wanted to be alone. It wasn't her usual self, even she noticed it. But what to do when you're waiting. She thought of doing something productive, in her mind only, for th next day or week. But it was all played in her mind and not through actions. She became used to th situation and made it her 'new' routine. Eventually, however, her routine broke because it has to since her old one was back. She needed sometime to get used to it which she did, eventually. Now, lying on her bed, all she can think about is how could she have given up everything else for 'that'. Cos now, she is still waiting. Waiting for th day school starts, waiting for th concert, waiting to apply for a CCA, waiting to know who, how and what her classmates are like and just waiting for a miracle to happen. A miracle that would stop her from waiting, where else 'wait' will be th one waiting for her.

2011-04-18T00:17:00.002+08:00

Had my bangs snipped straight. Kind of regretted it cos now my fringe is wavy/frizzy and very short :( I miss my old hair :( Nvm I shall just be patient and wait for it to grow :) Grow fringe grow, grow fringe grow, GRROOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

2011-04-13T10:45:00.001+08:00

Support is all I need right now.

2011-04-12T21:21:00.002+08:00

Oh god, why do I take things seriously? It was just a remark. Sigh.. Self esteem = seven feet underground :'(

2011-04-08T14:09:00.001+08:00

I'm super broke..depress much...

2011-04-08T01:12:00.003+08:00

I'm back **insert my damn sexy hyphen deep hyphen sore hyphen almost no voice***

Last week has been hell.. I fell sick after cleaning my room and after my air con was repaired/serviced. I stayed home for practically the whole week doing nothing but watch TV and more TV... I just slacked till the very day my baby arrive home which was ystd! WOOHOO! My life is back, as in its more alive now..seriously :) Although I still have my loved ones close to me but Loic just contributes that extra umph to my life. hehe Anyhoo, I wasn't the only one excited for his arrival. Khai was too haha and we were both just filled with excitement, nervousness and just more euphoria(more for me I guess haha). Seriously. You guys should have seen my reaction when I first saw him. Speechless. I was making my way to row 10 from BK, which I thought he wanted he go and wait since I was late haha, searching for a curly-bushy haired person. But all I saw was foreigners on my right side, since I was looking at people who was seated on the rights side and I thought that he would be seated somewhere near them. I was wrong. Soon, I realised from the corner of my eyes someone was looking at me and the person was just standing still, posing with the trolley actually. So I turned my view, changing it to the left. I seriously couldn't believe my eyes I tell you. It opened widely plus my mouth too of course haha I glided my way through and cried, even before saying anything, hugging him tightly and not letting him go. I cried more, obviously haha

KEDEBAK KEDEBUK

He went to meet his "other half" haha to as quote from Epahlizan "BROMANCE" haha Everyone was happy. The end.

2011-04-01T17:22:00.007+08:00

I.feel.lousy.

BUT....

..... now I feel like cycling with the monkeys and komodo lizard....

OR.....

I just want to dance again.......

Wait....

Is it X'mas now?!!

OH NO WAIT...

ITS FREAKING 5 MORE DAYS TILL BABY RETURNS!!!!!! And it seems longer now that I can count the number of days with my right hand, my 5 skinny little fingers wiggling at me right now :( I'm super excited!! Tmr it'd be Sat.......then the next Sun......then Mon again.... and Tues..... and TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA we'll both be on the floor hehe

2011-03-29T00:03:00.003+08:00

I just realised how much I'm missing in life. So many things to do, yet I just don't seem to put in the effort to get things done. Why is always the question asked but nothing done to make it happen. I just want to live a 'Whole' life not a 'HOLE' one. I just don't know where to begin... I'm not in the mood for anything right now. I.just.want.my.life.back.BADLY :'(

2011-03-24T22:12:00.004+08:00

Finally I feel, slowly though, everything is falling in place. I want to feel this way everyday. I'm happy :) I think I know why I'm feeling this way..must be the "punching of some sucker" that is making me feel this way.

Anyhoo, I'm HIRED...like finally! I can't wait to start cos I'll be going to Airport continuously like back to back kinda thing haha Me izzzzz egggggsited much! Will update soon...maybe after Baby's back home which is less than 2 weeks from now = 13 days from now!! Eggggsitednesssssss doubled!!! and heck yeaaaaah!! it is freaking 13 days! can use my pair of hands and 3 from my right leg toes to count!! **wiggle wiggle*** ^^

2011-03-18T12:07:00.002+08:00

I still remember the very first time I had my eyes on you. You're just like the others whom I crushed on. But everything changed after she told you about the conversation we had about you. I didn't plan to fall in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. It just happens. Everything was plain awkward when we first talked to each other. The loud chatters, smell of food lingering around us and just some awkward eye contact we had with one another in the school canteen. That was officially the first conversation we had. All eyes were on us, well mostly you because I think everyone must be wondering what were you up to sitting and conversing with a senior. I was feeling very shy about giving eye contact with you cos, really, your eyes just sparkles brightly and I was shy with mine meeting with it. But all I know was when I'm with you, I act differently but in a good way.

Time passed..my smart phone became my second best friend. It was and still is a medium for me to communicate with you all day and night. I like messaging you as it was a virtual place I felt comfortable in conversing with you because I would always feel shy to look you in the eye. Moreover, you wouldn't get to see me when I'm shy and it is another reason for me to not have eye contact with you because if not, I would blush just by looking at those big, bright eyes of yours that never fail to sparkle since day 1. My feelings for you grew more and more as days pass but I didn't plan to fall in love with you as mentioned because at that point of time I was still in a mess handling some other love issue with some other guy. You didn't know about it, then.

Slowly however, my feelings began to grow deeper. But I was still in a dilemma.. I could still vividly remember the first time you hugged me when we were both surrounded by water, trees and just more trees. I swear it was the very first time I hugged someone who didn't mean anything to me, then, and it felt so surreal cos it was beyond my wildest imagination that I would or should I say could actually hug you. It felt good and for the first time, I felt loved. The feeling was just indescribable. That was also the first ever time I spent the whole day with someone whom I just knew. The bus ride to the beach and the stroll we took. That day was just extra special because there were just really many "first things" done with you. The first hug. The first time not showering for the morning. The first thonning session. The first time sleeping on your ever muscular shoulder. Last but not least, the first time you held my hands while we stroll on the beach. I felt extra special on that very day. However, amusingly, our status : friendship.

It was then on that selfsame day, 18 March 2009 at about 2 plus in Kfc Cineleisure, you indirectly popped the question. You held my hands, if I'm not wrong, when you asked me. With popcorn chicken and super sized Mountain Dew as our witness. I wasn't surprised at all cos dearest best friend help prepare me mentally hours before I met up with you haha and I even tried my best to look lost when you told me how you felt first before popping the question. But that was one part of how I was feeling cos I was also feeling shy, like always and I was blushing that I could feel all the blood gushing through my cheeks although I was mentally prepared. I think it was as red as a baboon butt. Yes, that was how much I was blushing. However, I managed to calm myself down and answer it. On the other hand, it was the term 'like' used when you first popped the question, it wasn't love. I did not even realize the difference between the two cos all I know was both had the same meaning, then.

More months together, anniversaries celebrated on every 19th,though, and just a whole lot of spending time together brought us closer. Soon, I realize with you I smile more and laugh more. I don't have to pretend that everything is okay when it's really not. With you, I can drop the fake smile and put on a real one. I don't feel alone when I'm with you. Instead, I feel safe and loved. The one thing I love about you, yes love not like, since day 1 was that you are easy to talk to and you listen to me. I don't have to worry about holding back with you. I don't feel self conscious. Also, whenever I was feeling very insecure about myself, which I always do, you would be there to stop me from feeling that way. But what you do best is cheering me up whenever I'm down and your hugs does wonders.

After all that we've been through, we finally fell in love. Yes. Love. We both knew we were in love with one another, something rare and beautiful was created. We even admitted to falling in love more than once throughout this relationship. Times changed, we changed together with it. It is not only rainbows and butterflies throughout this relationship, fights were and still is obviously inevitable. But its compromise that moves us along.

Thus, all I want to bring forward to you now is that I would not want to stop falling in love with you because you're that one person who shows you really do care and you accept me for who I am. My flaws, negative thoughts and just everything about me. You're the guy that would look me in the eyes and tell me you love me and mean it. I'll never forget a single moment we spent together as it is seared in my memory. Last but not least, I really appreciate your company because with you I'm different. With you, I'm happy :')

HAPPY 2 YEARS BABY! I love you with all my heart :)

2011-03-15T23:56:00.002+08:00

OHH boy... I messed up. It's always like this whenever our special day is nearing. I wonder why.... I'm sorry :(

2011-03-15T00:29:00.003+08:00

I want wake up everyday and know what I'm gna do. Just like how Phineas and Ferb does for every of their episodes, "Ferb, I know what we're going to do today!" Just by saying I know it equates to knowing the purpose like for instance, they have for the day. I'm gna be like them and know the purpose of me being here living in this beautiful planet, Earth.

Anyhoo, a big shoutout to my Mum cos it's her Birthday. *insert 50cent song*** HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM! :) me is lurpzzz you manymany! :)

Enjoy the week people! Hopefully your Monday(yesterday) was a high, sad, crazy, brain wrecking one! ^^ a way to kick start the week by feeling all the emotions at one go, xoxo.

2011-03-14T08:47:00.004+08:00

Sometimes you can't help but feel that she's the one for him. But then again you want him all by yourself. It's hard having a good looking and mature person who is labelled as the one. You just can't help but think that maybe, in the near future, there will not be anymore attachment between the two of you. The only relation you both have is mere friendship. It sucks actually, building all the hopes and dreams both of you have for years and it'd all end in a matter of seconds. Not even close to a minute or two. It'd be devastating for someone who experienced this for the first time as in the relationship they have was their first love. But then again, who believes in first love? For the examples you've seen is just heart breaking. Yes, there may be a handful that consist of those with their first ever love. But is their relationship going strong or are they on the verge of killing one another or worst still, are they cheating behind each others back? Questions will just keep rolling in but answers still not found. It just really sucks and you bet the feeling you're gna go through is just pure pain in the heart. Literally, it's like someone stabbing it with not just a fruit knife but an axe. Numb will be what you feel afterwhich and letting another person in your life again to share all the beautiful memories you once had is just impossible. That's because you've learnt that It was a mistake to get too attached to a person and that no one can actually make you as happy as your previous. So in the end, you'll end up toying with others but still, however, find the right one for yourself. And the cycle goes on and on and on..it's never gna stop till the world comes to an end.

2011-03-13T21:55:00.001+08:00

"Don't let someone be a priority in your life, when you're just an option in theirs"

2011-03-08T12:43:00.006+08:00

Savor every moment.

Today-8 March last 2 years-2009 was the first ever double date I had since....ever? and of cos the date was with my dearest bestf Epahlizan. The cool thing about this was we were out with a pair of best friends- Loic and Khai. It was so very damn freaking coincidental la. Ok so moving on... We had our date in Town. Had lunch at Lucky Plaza, Nasi Ayam Penyet. I was very quiet throughout the whole date cos I was just really shy then and maybe I still am now but not as worse. So in the restaurant, there was this married old couple sitting right next to us and I think the woman was pissed with someone or something and guess what she did to release her anger?!!

She went to knock her HANDPHONE hard against the table making it somehow look like the process of making an ayam penyet! All 4 of us exchanged the "WTF" look and it was the joke of the day. After which, we went over to Cine for Slumdog Millionaire haha Nice movie btw :)

Well, I know this is kind of random to suddenly write about this. I was just feeling highly random ystd that I went to read my diary on how Baby and I first got to know each other and the whole process of us getting together and the story goes on... I penned down each and every little detail of my life in a diary. It really brings back memories and I'll just sit there and smile to myself and even sometimes question myself like "did I actually do this?" or like "did this actually took place?" And a line of questions will just be waiting patiently in my mind, waiting to be answered.

I just feel that by having a diary or even a blog, it makes one realise of how much one has changed over the years, the mistakes one has made and just how appreciative one should be to be able to live yet another day in this beautiful world :)

2011-03-07T18:26:00.006+08:00

She was just sitting there, legs crossed on a hard cushion underneath her, consuming each and every word each and everyone of them was blurting out. She just kept quiet and smiled to herself. Her head was feeling light and high like a pink balloon floating lightly in the air. She has no comment till she was asked a question or when she felt the need to respond to whatever she felt like she knew or heard before. She just did not want to ruin the moment the couple had. She then wondered when everyone, or was it only one was asked this question. What do you envy most about couples and why? It struck her big time but she was lucky as the question wasn't directed to her. It was that poor girl who sat right next the her. From the look of her face, she was trying to sort out her mind and compose her answer. She took her time by keeping everyone in suspense with her constant errrr....ahhhh... Pause. errrrr... She then answered it assertively and proudly. For once she knew what she was jealous about.......

The chalet was awesome! The atmosphere there was just superb even with the storm and rain. But the highlight for the day or should I say 2days have to be the thon-ning session I had with Effa, Khai, Erdha and Arwis. It wasn't how I picture it to be. I thought it'd be the same routine of going to bed at 11pm and just sleep waiting for the next day to arrive. But it wasn't even near that. We stayed up playing monopoly deal, which I won only like once throughout every game we played (well.. I suck at it haha) police and theif (a new game I played and picked up fast *wink wink haha) and last but not least the very favourite game or should I say KNOWN game- Truth or Dare (but we played Truth all the way since there wasn't really much 'Dare' stuff to do) I really enjoyed every minute and everyone's company ystd. I somehow feel I was re-living Secondary school life again for God knows what reason. Not only that, I reflected a whole lot staying up till the wee hours and that is like by far the latest I'm awake. I know some of you might be thinking omg, nerd sia this girl first time staying up till so late haha but whatever, I'm an early sleeper k. But thanks to the holidays, I might be staying up late a lot more I guess haha But again, it would be much more fun if I could do this once every week? haha Ok, thon-ning is one of my favourite things to do right now. No wonder, Mas loves satying up till 4am. It makes her high.....

2011-03-05T21:55:00.006+08:00

I finally know what I want to achieve in life. I mean not fully like permanently know exactly what but just somehow maybe kind of already know what I wna do. That's a start, like finally.

Anyhoo, tmr's BELLA's BIRTHDAY! I is eggsited!! ^^

OMG, I'm so pathetic..posting very very due photos :( I'm so saving up for my G12 ^^

2011-03-04T21:20:00.004+08:00

Lookin' fineeeeeeeee.. ^^

I've recovered from whatever I was feeling ystd. Thanks to the short naps I took just now :) And of cos this boy up there ^^ You know what? He sent me this to cheer me up and I was like I'm kianed enough and now he sent me a picture that looks kind of kian but at the same time trying to angle himself and pose and I was like whaaaaaaat hahahaha Okay, I'm so mean (Sorry baby hehe) but nevertheless, it made me smile to myself when I first saw it :) like smile really widely cos just looking at him makes my everyday :) Then again, I'd be sad cos to know that he's not here just sucks :( and what more when I'M ON MY FREAKING SCHOOL HOLIDAY AND HE IS NOT HERE :( :( Sad max or what..

Anyhoo, I've got a lot of plans up in my head now and it's like accumulating as I'm typing. Oh boy.. I'm not gna list out each and everyone of them, only the important ones :) Okay so here it goes...

Get a FREAKING JOB! I really really really NEED one cos I'm broke as hell :(
Prepare/buy/create/do up my 2nd year present for baby hehe Shall not further elaborate on what I'm gna do cos I'm keeping him 'suspended' hehe ^^
Shop for clothes/bags/shoes/accessories which equates to SHOPPING!! I needa update my wardrobe people it's just freaking filled with T-shirts and jeans and just more Teeesss :(
Visit the library with BABY ZAZA and of cos Epahlizan

That's about all for now :) A job is what i really need to have right now in order to kill time and have the Cha-ching Cha-ching to proceed on with my plans.

2011-03-03T20:44:00.003+08:00

I'm starting to miss you more :'(

Today's the last paper which means now I'm on holiday. But I'm not even excited? :( I'm sad actually for god knows what reason. The long bus ride home just made me reflected a lot and also not forgetting NSA, which I silently teared a little at the end of it. I'm in a mess right now. Oh boy, soul searching mode UP..

2011-02-19T00:26:00.004+08:00

I don't exactly know how to feel now or even then when I'm always being called the non-expressive being. I just don't really like it. I mean I'm giving my utmost sincere reply when I know about great news or events or just anything. Maybe the choice of words used just don't hit the spot or the reply just don't sound happy enough to know about it? It's just blunt, I guess, without any emotions in it when actually I'm giving my all in replying to that piece of information.

oh god, PMS's driving me nuts..

Anw, I've got a great news to share. My dearest Loic is nominated for the Mayflowerian Award!! I'm so proud of him ^^ CONGRATULATIONS baby :) hehe oh and he asked me, what should he write (as in he is suppose to compose some writings about himself? to tell the teachers as to why he deserve this award) and I was like just write there "err, cos I deserve it bitch!" haha (ok..inside joke) Hopefully, he gets the award and it'd be a "hattrick" scored by him ^^

All in all, I just can't wait for the next 2 weeks to be over before I can finally breathe and of cos for baby to come home :) We need to do so many things we planned about hehe CAN'T WAIT!!

ok people, it's MUGGING TIME!! Till then readers xoxo

2011-02-10T00:14:00.002+08:00

I need to have that little faith in me that everything's gna be alright when you arrive home.

2011-01-30T23:26:00.002+08:00

My mind's in a mess right now. Hate it when it's all jumbled up there, what is up Julaina?!

2011-01-29T19:15:00.004+08:00

Finally a rest day for me. I have been lazing around doing nothing but just watch TV. This week has been hell. I have been going home as late as 11pm and as early as 6pm. Projects after projects and tests in between too. Most hectic week ever! So as I was saying, today's finally my rest day. But when I'm resting, my mind's working and it works in a way that makes me worry more and i tend to over-think things. I hate it when I'm feeling this way :( I guess I just miss baby a lot :( Its tough not having him around to confide in and feel alright after. All his advice and warm hugs does wonders. I guess I've got to be strong..till he comes back.

Moving on, exams are coming pretty soon. No time for slacking and lazing around anymore. I need to start my revision pronto! So for the next few weeks I'll be power packed busy :( I just need to endure and give my all for now, no time to waste. & hopefully everything ends off well, with a BAM! :)

Till then readers <3

2011-01-21T21:27:00.006+08:00

My source of happiness <3

...is probably at France now.

Imagine being independent for 12 weeks. Sigh.. I miss him alr :( :( but I shall endure and keep my drive of achieving my goal before he comes back. I'm stronger than this. I CAN DO IT!!

and baby if you're reading, pls pls take care and have a wonderful trip there :) you deserve this trip and just release stress :) I'll be waiting for your arrival home, crossing each day that past with a big red cross making myself sure that your arrival home will be nearing or will just happen without even me realizing it. I love you with all my heart.

2011-01-18T02:05:00.003+08:00

my mine's clouding up with nothing else but negative thoughts. i'm just not good enough for anything. i hate this negatively mixed feeling i'm experiencing now. maybe it just got the 'best' of me. why did i even choose it in the first place? regret is starting to crawl in, even without me experiencing the whole 2 years of it. i guess i need to see the exciting part of it and the drive to keep me going. but i'm just not hungry enough for it as much as i want to. Dear God, please guide me through.

2011-01-05T22:39:00.003+08:00

One thing I love most : Random surprises!

I didn't expect to be this surprised that it actually brought me to tearing up quite a bit while reading it. I never thought that this actually did happen and that you actually walked pass my doorstep silently to put the notes, a letter plus some chocolates on the stairs leading up to the 11th level. I really cannot believe that you actually came down personally to pass the notes I lent you. I really still cannot believe that you wrote me a letter that was firstly, really random(like always!^^) Secondly, a note that actually changed the way I was feeling today, which was to nearly almost give up but I did not. Lastly, a letter that made me tear up quite a bit while reading it, word by word plus some Off Centre emoticons^^ A piece of paper that may seem lifeless but your words on it actually made the paper and myself alive. You've always been there for me when I really needed someone and your random surprise today just proves that although it was random and surprising, like always, it never fails to make my day and it prevents me from thinking negatively but to stay strong just like Saloma. Thank you so so much, R9EZA! You're far by th best person I know living on this Earth.

p.s if you're reading this A MEETUP is really needed! :)

2010-12-31T02:22:00.002+08:00

BOO HOO! 2010 is coming to an end pretty pretty soon :( I shall start listing out my resolutions and saving plans. 2011, I shall achieve whatever listed. I'm determine to. Have a blast people wherever you maybe tmr!^^

2010-12-31T02:13:00.004+08:00

IKEA.... SHOPPPPPPPINGGGGGGGGGGGG! *inserts LoLo action whenever he say shopping hahaha I'm lazy to type, so I shall...spam pictures ^^ teehee!

2010-12-29T22:12:00.006+08:00

So, today was book day :) Went to the National Library to burrow books with Epahlizan since we both wanted to improve our English, which is deproving slowly as time flies? Burrowed 2 books and so did she. Teehee!^^It was nice also catching up with her and bitching about work, it is such a biiiiitchhhh *in high pitch*

Oh and an amusing thing happened just now... Epahlizan went to slot into one of the wrong holes for her memory stick and it was freaking stuck in the machine!! Funny thing was, I alr told her that it was th wrong hole but she insisted it was th right one and continued pushing it in more deeper -.- hahaha damn amusing la.. And guess what the aunty freaking charged her 5o bucks for th deposit for th technician 'pay' which was to come down and fix th machine, like !!! wth manzxzz!! Serious case of scamming, tsktsktsk... So we were like shocked to hear th amount mentioned as we didn't have even close to enough to pay for th deposit :( So she called Khai... I called LoLo...but they were both watching movie haha Called up Nmr also but still no one's near th bank to deposit and so... it was Abg Dean to th rescue haha Ended up, th boss of th shop being th 'technician' for today and hero to manage to take out th memory stick ^^ and he was really really nice too ya know!

Also, LoLo and I had a small tiff over th memory card incident. Funny thing is, it doesn't directly involves us both but we were both tense. How weird can things get?

2010-12-27T15:38:00.003+08:00

Oh crap, I hate how I'm feeling right now... doubting myself :(

Anyhoo, I'm determine in getting out of Singapore next year. Yes, I know I've been telling many that I would be going somewhere at th end of th year be it Canada, Switzerland, New Zealand..etc but I'm determine this time round. So..what I need and MUST do now is to save up. YES, SAVE UP people. I'm broke as hell now with only 1 buck to spare in my bank, yes I'm damn broke :( Thus, I'll be saving up for many things next year. Esp, my canon G12!! I really really want that camera badly :( Ok, so I have a lot of things in mind right now of what to save up for hence, I shall come up with New Year Saving plans plus Resolutions to have my priorities straight and so that my thoughts wouldn't be diverted into spending on unnecessary stuffs, which ALWAYS happens :/

And next year I'll be quite alone for th first 3 months...cos LoLo will be flying off to France :( hopefully, I'll be able to get myself busy and not think so much about it.. I'll miss him..a lot.. :(

Oh wells..

2010-12-24T20:19:00.013+08:00

HO HO HO HO! MELLY X'MAS!(EVE..teehee!)

So I've been going out a lot with LoLo, mostly towning. And my GOD the crowd was amazingly a real crowd if you get what I mean. LoLo say we're,as in Singapore, overpopulated :( But amazingly, we survive! teehee! ^^ AND AND he bought me the REDDDD converse shoes!!!( which I expected like always teehee!)

Anw, today went for my check up.....had to do yet another blood test :( I don't understand why they just love sucking my blood out. So had to wait for an hour ALONE for the blood test :( But met up with LoLo after which to go Vivo and eat! ^^ Was super hungry I tell you :( so.....ate....walked around...and I suddenly had a plan hehe I tricked LoLo that I wanted to go PS to grab for my sis slippers for X'mas but actually what I had in mind was to get him his X'mas present, which I "bought" alr and it's at home waiting to get wrapped up. So once there, I acted trying to find the shop for the slippers my sis wanted then once I saw the Lava lamp shop, I told him I needed to pee badly. Off I went to pee...while he waited outside.. I then called him to tell him that I needed pad cos I was "having" my menses and I wanted him to grab me Pads from Carrefour hehe off he went to grab it while I carefully make my way out and try to hide myself by walking near people and constantly turning my head around to check if he saw me haha So once I paid for it..I called him to say I got a pad from some random Aunty in the toilet haha and said that I didn't need it anymore and I was just in time cos it was alr his turn to pay for the PADS hahaha talking about timing.. Surprised him with it! and he thought it was GANDUM cos he felt the box with eyes closed and it wasn't! ^^ Also, he didn't expect it! haha NICE.

"Looks wrong... but it feels so good"

OH AND GREAT! I'LL BE WORKING TMR! nice..

2010-12-21T13:10:00.004+08:00

I'll just flood ths space with ystd's outing!

2010-12-20T10:13:00.005+08:00

HELL YEAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! A LAPTOP FOR ME, FINALLY! Now, I can blog at ease, use any time I want to, and just do a whole loads of shitzzz with it!! ESP to BLOG everyday! Damn happy la! Can you see how happy I am? (ok, I'm like practically smiling widely while typing this hahahaha) Sorry la, damn happy you know! ^^ The only thing I lack of are pictures :( eehhhh, wait ! I still have my WEBCAM! hahaha but oh wells the quality suck ballzzz, so with or without it I'll still blog! :) kkzz, I shall come back with exciting stories and hopefully pictures!

k , bye!

2010-10-25T21:37:00.003+08:00

EWIT EWIT! Today's the start of school....it was alright I guess :) Shopped after school for some sch stuffs to make myself happy....nth boomzzzzzz's exactly happening so yeah, I'll end here.

2010-10-09T20:32:00.004+08:00

I finally know what I'm missing most........friends. Just hanging out with a bunch of them makes my day. I miss hanging out with them. I miss having drama in my life and just see who's the greatest bitch. I just miss talking cock-random-shit under the sun and I just miss having the need to meet them everyday. I just miss everything I once had, esp Sec School. But well, that's why there's a saying " Friends come and go.." and "life goes on.." not that I'm saying anyone is but just saying. At least I have my family and loved ones here for me which is good enough cause at the end of the day they also do make my day :)

2010-10-06T12:05:00.003+08:00

What I really need is to let go of all the hatred I have in me.....change that frown into a smile...learn to forgive.....oh, it sucks to be me :/

OK OK, I shall CARPE DIEM! ^^

2010-09-30T16:18:00.002+08:00

Oh man.. i'm home again :( been staying home for th past 4days, doing nth but tv-laptop-eat-tv and i think i'm getting really cranky :( daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn! talking about doing sth productive haha nvm nvm, just gotta endure. tmr shall be FREEDOM :) i'll be outzzzzzzzzzzzzz i iz can't wait ya know :)

2010-09-29T12:59:00.008+08:00

Received a call about an hour ago regarding.................my job interview!! :) will be having another interview this Fri at 11am together with Bestfriend, hopefully we get the job! :)

Ok moving on...my newly found love :)

JENG

& my all time favourite ^^

This may be weird or you'll be like whaaaaaaaaaaat? but I just love his hair here ^^

Ok Ok, i know i sound alot like those typical girl going gaga over actors/singers/models but I'm just doing this once in a blue lagoon since I'm soooooooooooooooo free and I've got nth much to update about :)

Talking about blue.. the one in blue with his all time favourite Austin Power maybe pose is still my titty, whom(or isit who, maybe whose? oh well..) i miss alot :(:( I can't wait to meet him on Fri for Charlie St. Cloud, which i initially thought it was St Charlie's Cloud -.- and i can't wait to shop for clothes, been spending most of my Hari Raya money on food :( Yes food, which turns into shit. How great!

2010-09-28T16:31:00.002+08:00

i'm boredzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, shall do sth productive tmr before i start work :) (that is if i get th job-.-)

2010-09-21T13:11:00.003+08:00

Maybe we have to get a little messed up. Before we can step up.” Alex Karev - Grey’s Anatomy

2010-09-12T15:42:00.003+08:00

2010-08-29T22:00:00.002+08:00

Man.. I can't wait to do sth to my hair! Its broomstick-ish :( i is isad :( hopefully Nmr's gna help me pay first :) and great I've not even gotten my hari raya clothes :( nvm, "slowly but surely" as quoted by Loic whenever i kanchiong :)

2010-08-26T20:39:00.004+08:00

Yeah, everyone's developing accept me. I'm not ready to be 18. 13 please take your time, even best don't come.

2010-08-13T12:36:00.002+08:00

Sometimes its better to not expect than expecting sth that won't come up to yr expectations. Oh boy, i don't know what i'm typing.. must be th 3 days stay home and just study. boringzxzzxxzx manzzzzzzzzzz....

2010-08-08T19:03:00.003+08:00

I'm gna jog tmr morning! gna get my sexy abs back. teehee!

2010-07-30T00:22:00.005+08:00

Honestly, i'm not motivated to do anything......i'm having all the negative thoughts anyone could think about.......i'm just tired of everything............. and honestly, i hate this feeling. Crying doesn't solve the problem, it makes your eyes puffed up.... What helps? A pair of listening ears and comforting words.

Where is everybody when i need them most?

I realise sth today, well at least since quite some time ago..... People's lives excites me, like there's an ongoing storyline which i have to keep up with in order to find out hows the ending like. Weird..i know.

2010-07-08T20:20:00.004+08:00

I wna do sth to my hair, pronto! I just realised that my hair is always either mid-long and rebonded or short and bushy cos its cut off and my hair grows -.- boring.. I want something fresh and unique.. but what... urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! tell me how.. :( i is vely sad nowzxz.

To summarize, my hair now looks like a broomstick.. In need of some changes..i want sth like the pic above. But how long will it take?! :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

So, i guess i'll be blogging again once i change :) teehee! maybe when sth interesting happens, i'll blog too :)

2010-07-05T19:14:00.004+08:00

Wht a day ystd was. Got hit right in the face not once but TWICE by fast-kicked balls = great. Now, my knowledge is lessen :( haha, inside joke.

Today had lunch with baby at Bugis! the food wasn't that nice as before though but the company was great :) oh and forced baby into a pink formal shirt..which he ended up buying haha

2010-06-21T15:05:00.000+08:00

WA WA FUCK FUCK!! i hope my cd fr CSA can be freaking read by th tutor, if not i dies alr..

2010-06-09T20:48:00.004+08:00

Do you know the feeling when your heart's sinking? Like you can literally feel it sink.